Body image, Popeye the sailor man and DRUGS.
For those of you who think body image just became a topic yesterday I’m here to tell you that drugs and the human body has been around for a very long time. If you think drinking just became common please date back to when Jesus turned water into wine to save a wedding.
Body was always important just on different scales, songs of songs seems like a whole chapter of a man going on and on about a woman’s body, and thats just the bible.
Our world has always told us to rely on something else, always told us we are never enough we need something.
Popeye relied on a can of spinach
We are never enough, Popeye was one of the greatest sailors that ever sailed the seas, so the story goes yet to get Olive’s attention he relied on a can of spinaches that changed him from a small wimp, to an angry muscle bound strong man, and before you could criticize he told us “I am what I am” leaving no room for change. Who knew what that can of spinach represented? was it steroids? was it marijuana?
Children couldn’t grow on their own, they needed the Flinstone’s vitamins, I know because at 5 i was addicted to Flinstone suckable tablets. When society is finished treating you for all kinds of depression by getting you hooked on anti depressants that have so many side effects, you may have been better off stressed out locked in your room crying, than the enhanced thoughts of suicide, which resulted there after.
This same society that tells us that Cocaine is bad, too many pain killers is wrong, persons who drink every day needs help, but what they forget to tell you the same high a cocaine addict gets when he takes a small whiff, is similar to taking a couple vitamin C’s and B12 vitamins all at once, combine sniffing some glue and a dry tea bag and you’re on cloud 9. All these ingredients my 3 year old nephew could buy at the corner store.
the addictions they forget to tell you about
I’m not telling anyone it’s great to go take whatever drug they want, I am asking you to realize that “THEY” have taken all the bad and made some of it look good. The pressure to look perfect is more pronounced than ever, but the pressure to need something to be perfect is 10 times stronger. No one can have the perfect body by chance or by genetics, no the media is attaching everything to something else. The celebrities whom you’ve never seen with a brake out or Zit are showing up in proactive commercials, thanking Proactive for their perfect skin. Everything that we see and everything that happens, “THEY” have the “DRUG” that made it all possible. From gyms, fitness shakes, yoga, do it your self plastic surgeries (which i’m sure they’ll invent soon). “THEY” want to make sure you know that “THEY” are responsible.
xoxoxox Lauren O Lauren, I wonder who “THEY” are?
Entertainment in Jamaica will always be third world
I was watching the making for Katy Perry video today and I was blown away at all the work that went into. The whole production for a video that looks fairly simple, they had 3 graphic artist on set, two art directors, ummma bunch of other stuff, they used a real ginger bread to do the scene where they where playing with a ginger bread because they wanted it to have a real effect. I saw it and I was like but they didn’t have to use a real ginger bread for that could have used cardboard. The scene where she’s using her bra as a whip cream gun, they made a special bra, attached rings to it and put the whip cream cans on them and i’m thinking she coulda just held it there with her hands.
Then it hit me the same way i’m thinking is the exact same way Entertainment and Tv in Jamaica think that’s why a lot of our productions look like shit, we forget that what people see on TV really predicts what they do in real life, for example a great TV with a great looking Host will have people watching it again, if only to see the short skirts she’s wearing or the store she got them from, blah blah blah you get what i’m saying.
It’s called Television not radio, so your first sense that should be caught and kept is your sense of sight, if you don’t like what you see, why will you listen. If it’s a needle work show lets get an old lady with a warm smile, if its fashion show, lets get a young girl with perky breast and great legs who fits into a perfect size 1. Hey this isn’t politics baby it’s not fair and it doesn’t have to be.
American Media has capitalized on that sense of sight, they have learnt to keep it, so well that they can sell you an album by taylor swift even though we all know she cant sing. They go the extra mile to make sure you’re looking!
TV Stations in the states who want to make money, don’t leave anything up to the talent they control everything, They do your hair, nails, wardrobe, script you name it. Not because they want you to feel loved but because, they are in control of their brand, they don’t play with their brand, they aren’t giving you a second to fuck up. When you read your contract its 30 pages long highlighting even your weekend activities, because that too could interfere with the BRAND.
The Brand comes first everything else fall around it.
A Conversation with an even bigger idiot!
Alrite so some dude added me on Black berry messenger today I don’t know exactly how he got my pin. My blackberry status reads, “CLUB PRIVILEGE ON A WEDNESDAY IS HOTT”, Now lets say he got my pin from one of the many social networking sites that i loosely put it up on sometimes then you will know I’m always promoting for the club, So a smart person would think, (1) she either works there, (2) Gets paid to braodcast for them, (3) Really love the club and think it’s cool. So imagine how upset and perturbed I was when i began to have this conversation with an idiot even bigger than myself. It of course ended with me deleting him. Maybe I over reacted but honestly i hate idiots!
COPIED FROM LAURENOLAUREN’S BLACKBERRY BOLD 2
Participants:
————-
www.laurenolauren.com, RICHIE-can u see my pain( just look deep into my eyes)
Messages:
———
RICHIE-can u see my pain( just look deep into my eyes): Hey babygirl club privilege is it a nice club
www.laurenolauren.com: Ummm what would u like me to say
www.laurenolauren.com: What do you think I’m gonna say?
RICHIE-can u see my pain( just look deep into my eyes): Don’t know just be honest
www.laurenolauren.com: Why did u ask me?
www.laurenolauren.com: Why didn’t u ask anyone else, why did you choose me
RICHIE-can u see my pain( just look deep into my eyes): Cause a advertising it
RICHIE-can u see my pain( just look deep into my eyes): U cute lokk good
RICHIE-can u see my pain( just look deep into my eyes): That
RICHIE-can u see my pain( just look deep into my eyes): Y
www.laurenolauren.com: Who advertising it
RICHIE-can u see my pain( just look deep into my eyes): Read ur status
www.laurenolauren.com: Exactly so if I’m advertising yeah, its either I work there or I genuinely think its a great club. So you don’t think you asking me if its a nice club is a really stupid question that doesn’t deserve an answer
www.laurenolauren.com: And I’m not generally a mean person but stupid questions annoy me
www.laurenolauren.com: Why would u ask me that?
RICHIE-can u see my pain( just look deep into my eyes): Really I hear about it but never been there that why I’m asking
www.laurenolauren.com: But asking me if its a nice club. Come on! It better you ask me which night is good to come
RICHIE-can u see my pain( just look deep into my eyes): U take offend to the question
www.laurenolauren.com: But u see it in my status and is gonna ask me if its a nice club? If I said no its awful wouldn’t I be the idiot for having it in my status
www.laurenolauren.com: I didn’t take offense but I hate stupid questions. I guess that’s why I could never be a teacher
RICHIE-can u see my pain( just look deep into my eyes): Yes
www.laurenolauren.com: Jah know star
www.laurenolauren.com: How u get ma pin?
RICHIE-can u see my pain( just look deep into my eyes): That’s a stupid question y u accept it
www.laurenolauren.com: Its not a stupid question
RICHIE-can u see my pain( just look deep into my eyes): Y cause u ask it
www.laurenolauren.com: I didn’t give u ma pin
RICHIE-can u see my pain( just look deep into my eyes): U sure about that
www.laurenolauren.com: But I accept all request because I’m in marketing and I send broadcast out so it helps
RICHIE-can u see my pain( just look deep into my eyes): Ok then
www.laurenolauren.com: I put my pin on business cards, facebook, twitter. So me asking u how u got ma pin
www.laurenolauren.com: Make more sense than the stupid question u asked me earlier
RICHIE-can u see my pain( just look deep into my eyes): U broadcast it
RICHIE-can u see my pain( just look deep into my eyes): Sound like u running the club
www.laurenolauren.com: I broadcast it? Where? How did you get my pin
RICHIE-can u see my pain( just look deep into my eyes): I’m a party animal
RICHIE-can u see my pain( just look deep into my eyes): That’s how
www.laurenolauren.com: You can’t even answer the question
www.laurenolauren.com: Me rass
RICHIE-can u see my pain( just look deep into my eyes): I don’t want to
www.laurenolauren.com: I asked you HOW did you get my pin
RICHIE-can u see my pain( just look deep into my eyes): We start on the wrong foot
www.laurenolauren.com: It better u say u dnt want to than continue to tell me rubbish
RICHIE-can u see my pain( just look deep into my eyes): U giv
www.laurenolauren.com: I gave it to you personally?
RICHIE-can u see my pain( just look deep into my eyes): No
RICHIE-can u see my pain( just look deep into my eyes): Only garbage truck collect rubbish
RICHIE-can u see my pain( just look deep into my eyes): Still there
www.laurenolauren.com: Ok
www.laurenolauren.com: You’re a soilder?
RICHIE-can u see my pain( just look deep into my eyes): Wow u figure out that all by urself wow
www.laurenolauren.com: In your display pic you’re wearing ur uniform
www.laurenolauren.com: Dnt be rude to me
www.laurenolauren.com: Especially since I dnt know you.
RICHIE-can u see my pain( just look deep into my eyes): Look u is talking abiut being rude
www.laurenolauren.com: All I can say is if ur a soilder our country is fucked!
www.laurenolauren.com: Good bye!
Sent from my BlackBerry® device from Digicel
xoxox Lauren o Lauren
Is cheating good for a woman’s digestive system??
Well if it isn’t it should! How many women do you know have sleepless nights and cant down there foods because they’re tired and stressed. Men cheat for one reason, they are spineless assholes, they just wanna “fuck” no good reason really. Most women don’t have such a charged up sex drive, sex to us is a lot of work, first the mental aspect then we have to prepare our selves for the fate that he may never call again.
So we hardly ever just rush into sex, But the talk in the hair dressers is if “Your man is dogging about” and you cheat on him, you forget why you were angry and it makes you feel 10 million times better than drinking warm coffee in the winter. If you feel guilty after then it’s because your man wasn’t a dog enough. A couple weeks without a word from him, couple mistresses popping up here and there, his friends disrespecting you and sleeping with another man doesn’t seem that hard to do. And Viola no more sleepless nights, and “Buh Bye” heart burn, when he calls feel free to pick up the phone and say: “well hello darling, i’ve missed you terribly”
Men need to cheat to be Men then allow me to add women should cheat to remain sane.
Mind you I’m not telling women to have multiple partners i’m telling you to what you want, because your partner 
will, don’t get caught and don’t do it more than once, your bound to get caught.
So when you cheat, make sure you have a good reason. This should put a stop to your sleepless nights and the next time his friend says something disrespectful you wont even give a fuck.
lauren o lauren I know everything! ( for the record I haven’t cheated yet, something keeps coming up 
If I was a rich girl, this is what I would do……
We all have if I was rich moments, I have them so often I’m beginning to think that God is gonna punish me by never making me rich. But I can still dream, I heard a chinese lady say “we don’t pay tax for Dreams, so lets dream big” So What would I do if I was a rich girl, I’ll tell you.
(1) When I get rich the first thing I’m gonna do, is STOP having sex with men. Not because i’m into women, but because i’d be rich so why would i want to continue having lame sex with lame niggas, I did that when I was broke.
(2) I would throw away all my clothes and just wear white t-shirts with the words “Bitch cant you see I’m rich” every single day with blue/black or white jeans.
(3) Yeah i’d make some homes and schools for the underprivileged. However I would put my name on all of them, the kids would use books with my face as the cover.
(4) With my stupid money, i’d do stupid things like pay for advertisement spot in the middle of Prime time news just say, “whose laughing bitches”
(5) Come now what kind of rich person would I be if i didn’t dump all my friends and picked up a dangerous habit like cocaine and got a therapist who would listen to me complain about how my mother, continuously put me down for years. Not to mention the first time she told me I was black, oh dear.
(4) Gee what else do rich girls do? I’d date a guy younger than me and tell him what to do all the time, he’s definitely not allowed to have any friends!
(3) I would definitely develop a drinking habit and why not i’m rich!
(2) I would be mean to people just because i can, and I would send my plate back continuously, “screaming “I said no purple or orange colored food in my fucking plate”
(1) I would brake up with you, so your friends can now have you all to themselves.
xoxoxox lauren O Lauren, Dear God send me lots and lots of money.
Dear Lauren, How do I pack my suitcase.
Since the tender age of forever, i’ve been accumulating frequent flyer miles. And as a girl packing can be very hard, I always make lists, there are essentials that you have to carry, then you have the other stuff like clothes, you cant bring too many clothes because Duh! you’re going shopping.
MY Essential List:
1 A pair of black “Strappy” heels if it’s summer/ Closed toe pumps if its winter.
2 Gold flats/ Black flats closed or open depending on the weather
3 A black cardigan
4 A party dress, glitzy/ black/ white (anyone works)
5. Two pairs of jeans, one day and one night
6. 5 days tops and 2 night tops
7. Accessories: long necklaces, loop earrings, cute nob earrings, lots of rings and bangles
8. Make up
9. Flat Iron
10. Hair pomade
11. big white T- shirt to fall asleep in.
12. A swimsuit if its summer/ sweat pants if its winter
13 A pair of shorts/ or a skirt.
Those are my essentials everything else you can grab at the pharmacy when you get in. It leaves lots of space in your suitcase for shopping!!
xoxoxox Lauren Olauren
10 Things you should know about me, if you don’t wanna regret meeting me:
Hello everyone, I’m Lauren and I’m addicted to idea of addiction and i’ve always been like that.
(10) I went to an all girl boarding school and it ruined my life!
(9) I don’t brake up unless I know I will never go back, after that you’re dead to me. I’ll put up with everything for as long as possible cause when i say bye i mean it.
(8) I burn bridges and protect my ego before all else, I will never say I’m wrong.
(7) If you disrespect me, don’t look for me to get back to you today or tomorrow, but look for me.
(6) I like to get, give me gifts and compliments and you’ll never be wrong in my book.
(5) I really don’t like sex, but the idea of it and the activity makes me feel sexy. I’m very dramatic in bed, but don’t buy it, i’m lying.
(6) I love him so much i’de go to work and give him all my money, but I hate his friends.
(5) I can only see the world in Black and White.
(4) I am my hair, thats why i spend $25000 on weave, extensions and special silicone treatments.
(3) I believe too many friends is trouble.
(2) some secrets i’m taking to my grave, but on a general everybody knows i talk a lot i’m never ashamed of anything i’ve done.
(1) I say the darnest things, take me seriously and cry, don’t take me serious and die. hahahahaha
xoxoxox Laurren O Lauren this is my blog I’ll say what I want if you don’t like it, gee what will you do?
Antaeus The Greek Giant
I’ve always been captivated by mythology, I was told a story today by a good friend of mine about Antaeus the giant, a Greek Giant. Antaeus derived his strength from his mother who was the earth, so as long as he stayed grounded literally he would be unbeatable. It was said that Antaeus was the strongest man on earth, he would challenge all visitors and men to wrestling matches, which he would always win and after that he would slaughter his opponents.
One day Antaeus challenged Hercules to a match, during the match Hercules discovered that no matter how many times he threw Antaeus about on the ground instead of getting tired he seem rejuvenated, so Hercules realized that Antaeus was getting his energy from the ground, the earth who was his mother. So Hercules lifted him off the ground and in the air for enough time to drain him of his strength, then he killed him.
It sounds like a sill story, but Mythology I believe isn’t really testimonies written by Jesus, they are-kind of like explanations or a manual on how to live or maneuver our lives. The story of Antaeus the giant is simple, don’t ever get caught up in the hype of what is happening to you, remember where you coming from, and you wont be like Antaeus who allowed Hercules to sweep him up in the air and defeat him.
Remember where we are coming from and how we came from there will help us staying where we are, This story is one of “humblility”, no dictionaries have the word I just used as an actual word and I know that, but I’ve never been grammatically correct, i’m delivering a message not a English ethic.
It’s hard not to hype especially when people around you push you, believe me if I inherited a couple billions I would interrupt the news with a paid announcement, wearing a white T-shirt saying “Bitch i’m fucking rich” but that would be me acting like the people i’m trying to prove a point to. Plus me saying that would then mean, i would constantly be proving a point and spending more than i need to eh.
xoxoxoxox Lauren O Lauren. Asking God to guide me!
I wish I could teach the world to read.
I met someone the other day who asked me to read his text messages to him because he couldn’t read. I cant remember not knowing how to read, reading is like dreaming with your eyes open. Reading is powerful and intense than anything i’ve ever done, When i read a romance novel I feel just like virgin getting breakfast in bed or whatever the fuck they get in those books.
Reading is something I wish I could teach the world to do, when the author describes a scene you can create it however which way you want in your imagination as opposed to what TV forces you to see and accept. I enjoyed Twilight better when in my head Edward wasn’t so pale and hungry, as a matter of fact in my head Edward looks just like David Beckham with a slight resemblance to Chris Brown.
When I was a girl, my mom would buy me tons of books and my older sister used to reward me with them, reading is something kids have to be taught to accept, people who hate to read are according to statistics 5/10 times more prone to get angry and 7/10 more prone to make simple mistakes, and who cares if I just made those figures up or if they’re real. My reading ability has taught me to graph sentences in such a way that the garbage I write sounds believable 99.9% of the time, yes I admit I cant spell to save my life, but if that were more important than reading I wouldn’t be here would I .
You don’t have to read a book every day, and you don’t have to read the financial times either, you can read the Star or Chat, or any gossip magazine, but make sure you read. Reading enables to be more logical and quicker with what you say and how you say it. I’m very witty even though under neath it all, i’m an idiot and believe it or not quite mad. But I read so much I’m able to become the characters i read, are you confused?
Have a great week *kiss Kiss*
xoxoxox Lauren O Lauren!!!
A couple styles I didn’t like this year
The half shaved head
I have a problem with being bald, I believe women should have hair, or atleast commit to what you started, the half head wasn’t working for me.
Hammer pants
Very few people can pull off this look, i say as long as you don’t go over board stay away from a lot of fabric, then you should be good. I have completely stayed away, i’m one for fashion and trends but I don’t think all things work for everybody.
Copying celeb tattoos
Tattoos whether you believe it or not are permanent, they don’t go away so getting the exact same tattoo that Rihanna has on her back tells me that you’re a person without substance living in the moment or it could mean, that you have a genuine reason why you have the exact same tattoo.
all the feathers
I like the feather approach but a whole dress of feathers reminds me of a bird or something, “too much of something is not enough, it’s just too dam much.
DO THIS, DON’T DO THAT:
Sometimes a trend comes in and we get t right other times we completely miss the mark and look stupid;
DO THIS
Keeping things simple always works, with fabric trust me, because in a quick instant it can go terribly wrong. this is definitely a do!!!
DON'T DO THIS
There is too m any things happening with this dress, where is the focus? It has frills, shoulder details, one shoulder swinging and a dam boe, this is a mess!
THIS IS A DO
Too many sequins can kill you, keep it simple keep sequins in non scary colors like black, white, silver a little gold if you dare. The key is keeping the design of the dress simple.
DON'T DO THIS!!
Do i really need to explain why this is wrong?
xoxoxox Lauren O Lauren, keep it simple girls!
A tale about a ring and a girl.
My Ring
Ever since I was a little girl I’ve always wanted a boy to give me a ring, not because I wanna get married but because what I think it symbolized, I must have read it somewhere in one of the many books I owned. A ring is a never ending circle, there is no start, nor is there a finish, it’s a symbol of a promise come through or whatever the fuck it is. I’ve always hinted at getting ring all the time, and I’ve never gotten one because the truth is, Men themselves know the power of the symbol of the ring and the little fuckers know deep down inside that they don’t want to commit.
Over a year ago I met this older man (go figure), he’s Persian and his outlook on life was amazing I only knew him for 2 days on the third day before he left, he had a ring on his right little finger, he removed it from his hand and gave it to me, saying when we meet next time he’d give me another one. A very small meaningless act to him but a life changing experience to me.
From the day he gave me that ring, I never took it off (only this one time, thats a long story) I always have it on, in all my pictures you’ll see it, if you see me on TV i’ll be wearing it. Even though I never saw him again and I hear from him every now and again, the fact that he took a ring off his own hand and gave it to me, has left him a permanent place in my memory and my heart of course. I don’t think i’ll ever stop wearing this ring even if I get married my wedding ring will be worn with it.
To me it’s the first time that a man has made a promise to me, its kind of like taking a loan from the bank and giving them your car to hold on to, it makes the loan a little less like a loan, kinda sorta like a promise eh?
I know this sounds sappy and very unlike me, but I just wanted to share this story with everyone, because it means so much to me. Don’t get me wrong I love Cookie but ummm he didn’t give me a ring even after I asked for one,over and over and over and over and trust me I could go on and on and on!
It’s not like the ring means more to me than Cookie, they’re two different things, happened at two different times, claiming two different parts of me.
xoxoxox Lauren o Lauren, Platinum Bands and pretty boy toys.
Any one but him…….. #nowplaying
Last night once again i found myself in one of those weird moods, and i was listening to my Ipod and found a song that i didn’t put there, “anyone but him” by Mr Hudson ft Kanye West and I thought wow. Everyone can relate to this, whether its an ex boyfriend or a present girlfriend there is that guy or girl that you never want him/her to talk to no matter what.
You cant seem to figure out whats wrong with you why they would ever want to talk that person anyway, in your eyes the person isn’t a nice person, yea she might be pretty I suppose if your into “BORING & PLAIN”, but what makes her a must buy as opposed to you. I always feel like i’m that flavor soda a guy chooses if they run out of the one he really wants, “alright fine i’ll take sprite if you don’t have cola”
“Any one but him, i’de rather you have the whole football team” “Anyone but him, school boy fists we can take this outside. but knowing my luck that prick would win” and “Anyone but him but blood boils and my eyes turn green. Is this the best of the best so it seems”
Those are all lines you can relate to if you know what talking about, theres always one person, that you hope your boyfriend never looks at, maybe you’re jealous of the person or you just don’t like them. i lye in bed countless nights saying this to myself “anyone but her”
listen to it, its whats in my ipod right now! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZ0Q6S3UCL8
xoxoxoxo lauren O Lauren, the soda you got stuck with “fuck my life”
Play Damsel in distress, take half and be independent. We’re women
An idiot once said “it’s a mans world”, I beg to differ and I want to show you how. Women we sometimes allow men to take our perfect world and put up there smelly gym socks all over it.
I was watching Neyo the other day who is going to be a new father, pretty amazing huh, when the reporter said to him “When are you gonna get married” Neyo’s eyes opened wider than a dilated vagina, he responded by saying “slow down there, not so fast” not the exact same words but the same point. Here I was sitting in front of my room mates television considering mine is broken and I don’t really like TV. I was adjusting the rubber bands on my braces, and had shot myself in the face when one came loose.
How does a man get a woman pregnant but think its a rush to marry her? I’ll tell you why, because stupid women open there legs and are too happy to breed. Pregnancy, I cant stress how awful it is, your shoes don’t fit, you’re fat, and your body does things you cant control, why would you want that, so you can wear the coveted title of “Baby Mama”, he’ll visit you twice a month and send you money on Fridays, you stupid bitch.
Stop allowing these punk ass, half men to fat you up with a bag a kids, his body wont be affected and he can still drink vodka and redbull. Any man that gets me pregnant and tells me he cant marry me, is gonna hear “I fell down and I don’t think I’m pregnant anymore” which quite frankly, for a man to hear that is similar to me hearing spice girls when i was 9 years old, pure bliss.
Take charge of the world like Eve did when she gave Adam the apple, of Delilah when she had sex with Samson then cut his hair off while he slept, those women are women after my own heart.
I urge you keep your legs crossed and don’t get pregnant unless you’ve been with him for longer than 3 years and you can afford to take care of that baby yourself. Why settle for less, do you really wanna be that dudes baby mama??
xoxoxox Lauren o Lauren
Whats in right now, according to Lauren O Lauren.
Make sure you have at least one of these in your closet, they will be in for a while. I predict they will go all the way into December and early next January. Dnt be afraid to splurge because you can always take it out every now and again later next year. This is a trend with some depth as long as your body fits your dress “properly” you wont have to worry.
Show me your Shoulder.
Center parts and big curls are fabulous this summer, but its so hot and humid, to keep them I suggest a light holding spray, so when it’s “blowing out” it will look natural and soft as opposed to spritz that gives you a frozen harsh look and agony later when you try to brush or comb your hair.
curls/ flips and Center parts
Studs are everywhere, shoulders, bags, shoes, t-shirts and even in ladies acrylic. Dnt go over board with too much keep it basic, like the lapel of a simple black jacket will last you into next season. A full studded jacket wont guarantee you the same warranty. Remember fashion is like a cheap slut, todays she’ll love you but tomorrow she’ll love him.
Im attracted to Studs
Do you remember when women were wearing less, well tis the season to cover up, the sophisticated sexy look is all the rave. Buy a couple jackets, or get one really good one made!
Please cover up
Long Necklaces have been in for a pretty while and aren’t going anywhere for just yet, get a couple, they’re good with t-Shirts, or dresses.
a Necklace
Make a statement, like a powerful woman, wear a big bold statement with your necklace, if it looks like something you wouldn’t wear because its too big or too much, then get it!!!
A Necklace story
Remember ladies, play with your look and brake out of the ordinary.
xoxoxoxo lauren O Lauren
If only Martin Luther King had a Dream like this one,
Oh For at least an hour I was happier than i’ve ever been in my whole life. I came home and took a nap right, this usually happens, don’t ask what’s in these pain killers.
So my dream is about me, this boy I really like and the girl he really likes. Now this is how it goes, I met a boy I was soo in love with him, but even though we were having sex, he didn’t feel the same way about me he liked my friend. Even though he knew it would just brake my poor little heart if he hooked up with her, he did anyway, so here I am in my dream watching my friend get married to the love of my life, and I thought “oh no, what a nightmare” but then my nightmare slowly evolved into a beautiful Nightmare.
Months after the couple got married, they were pregnant, they were soo excited, I was so suicidal. When the baby was born the news spread so fast it was tormenting, but something was very odd and the baby didn’t look like her two beautiful parents, when the DNA test results came back, why he wasn’t the daddy at all.
He got the girl he wanted, but she gave him the wrong baby, now this might sound awful, but now that i’m wide awake, if this happened for real I’de be so happy I would probably kill myself.
How many times have we women go all out for a guy and he tells you “sorry honey, its just sex” then think about him getting a jacket (this is jamaican for “you are not the father” from someone he loves. Then he wouldn’t have been such an asshole anymore, maybe he’d even want you back, but then you’d say “Sorry honey, I don’t know what i saw on you in the first place, you’re nose is funny” hahahahahahahaha
I hope I go to bed tonight and have the same dream over and over again. Men should know when they have a good woman, either that or leave people girl child alone, wanna have sex with no strings attached, buy a fucking whore!!!
xoxoxo Lauren O Lauren, wake me up when the dream is real!!
Some things you should know about MEN & Women.
Contrary to what the world my believe I’m not Anti-Men, but there are certain things that are just true.
I was catching up with my friend from prep school the other, we’ve known each other from before we were born. She had broken up with her boyfriend the other day for reasons I’ve heard from many girls our age, he’s boring he doesn’t like to go out, blah blah blah, then she had to end up getting back with him because there was nothing out there. Sometimes we women forget and think the grass is greener on the other side, or God forbid we think better is coming, I always say look around you before you think you can find better.
I know this about MEN;
(1) If he has two baby mothers he will have a 3rd and a 4th, and a 5th and a 6th. Dnt think you’re lucky to have him now, he’s a mover and a shaker not a house you can live in.
(2) He will never value you’re opinion over his friend’s, ever. Dnt put yourself in a situation or position where you’r competing for his attention. Always do you!
(3) Men always have time for SEX, don’t think he’s sitting there with a chastity belt and more work than the government after a hurricane.
(4) It’s hard for him to settle down if he isn’t coming from a home that doesn’t push, “one man, one woman and child” if he didn’t see his parents grow old together he may not know how to do it.
(5) When you ditch your friends for him, make sure you don’t need them when he’s gone. Men like to see when women get rid of their female friends, because it makes them feel powerful and less guilty when they do wrong or try to sleep with them.
Things I know about WOMEN;
(1) We really just want one man in our life.
(2) We’re jealous of ours friends relationship.
(3) we just want you to compliment us and tell us we’re pretty everyday, even when our new hair color looks awful.
(4) Women do cheat, but for entirely different reasons, it has nothing to do with the sex. When you start to ignore us and find faults with our bodies somebody else is telling us we look great.
(5) You have to be really good to know that your girl has cheated on you, we can be very, very good at hiding things.
Facts about Men & Women:
(1) If your boyfriend isn’t into partying and lots of friends around him, I suggest you thank God. He may be boring but at least he’s sure.
(2) When your girlfriend complains about the relationship getting boring and how young she is, she’s looking for a reason to cheat, or she has already cheated and is telling herself you’re the reason.
(3) Don’t you dare have unprotected sex with a girl who says we’d have cute kids together. She’s looking to tie you down.
(4) Any woman who says don’t get me a present, is asking for a present. this is so for all associated cases. Anything women say they don’t want, they want!!
(5) Any man who doesn’t feel bad about hitting on his friends girl should be a warning sign. Men are territorial if his friend thinks he can whisper sweet nothings to you, he’s actually telling you that you are not your boyfriends, straight up girlfriend, but girl on the side.
(6) when a guy says he doesn’t want the public to know, what he means is ” I don’t want my girlfriend to know”
xoxoxoxox lauren O Lauren
Jesus was a real “bad man”
Allow me to laugh at all the men out there who live with their moms, or have “lovey dovey” conversations with their baby mothers at night yet call themselves “bad Men” come on. Allow Jesus to show you how a real bad man roles, Jesus had no baby mother, or girlfriends that we knew about, he separated himself from his family and did it “Cow Boy style” fasting in gardens, walking around for days, chillin with the boys and drinking red wine he made from water, tell me that isn’t “Gangster”
When Jesus was to be crucified he didn’t hide, or run away and he surely didn’t show up three weeks later wearing a wig and being Reverend Al Millers passenger from a weekend in the country.
No my Jesus was in the garden where he said he would be waiting on the “Po, Po” to come get him, then in true bad man fashion! He asked his even “Badder” Bad man father not to hurt them for they know not what they do!!!! Cause he knew that God was beyond BAD!!
So please refrain from telling me where you’re from, or what you’re gonna do, or who you know, Jesus is my Homeboy.
xoxoxo Lauren O Lauren!!
I never want to forget
Everyday I’m amazed at the people around me, and there reasons for the things they do, I look at twitter and I see that Reenz girl siding with someone talking shit about me again when less than a month ago she sent me this letter on facebook:
Kareen Williams June 29 at 4:44pm Report
I’ve been meaning to message you for some time, I just never knew how to start seeing that you once said you don’t care about death etc. so I never too sure you’d understand where I’m coming from. Long story short, 2 wks ago 3 of my very close friends dies all at once; not twitter/fb friends lol. sigh. Burnt to death after the car crashed in a wall. The same day it happened, I spoke to one of them making plans bout what we going be doing when I get back from Atl. I never grieve so much in ma life, I did just waa dead or sumn. I doh know if you ever lose someone yu close to, but it’s the first time for me and it made me realise life too short and how everything just petty, especially those notes. I read them and just shaked ma head and wondered how uneccessary they were. I was sharing ma opinion in them and they just seemed childish. Both our re-actions were the most childish things I ever experience. Due to how life just short, I dont think it should be spent with arguments and arguments. So, I apologize for those notes. SMH Is not like I did ever dislike you to begin wid, oh and I did wonder what you meant by me slandering your name before this. I really never know what yu talking bout. I don’t know if you understand what I’m saying, but I hope you do.
Anyway, not saying we were ever friends, but I just don’t want to have “beef” over fuckery. Take care. (copied and pasted directly from my facebook inbox)
I didn’t even respond I just ignored it. It’s like i’m surrounded by persons who either want to be me, get my attention or destroy me. They look for every flaw they can find.
So im taking this opportunity to Thank God for my real blessings, I’m so grateful I was born with all my limbs in tact, I love my legs and how funny they look when I walk, I love my arms and how skinny they are, I can fit them into any sleeve, I love my nose its the envy of everyone who has to do a nose job, I love my eyes and all the beautiful things I can see with them. The color of my skin is flawless, where did you find this kind of caramel, bronze, yellow undertone from, I absolutely love it God.
I look at my family and I think you really out did your self, every one is different I can surely appreciate everything with such a colorful background.
These are the simple things I want to thank you for, these things that I over look sometimes, I love everything about me and my life. They will sing my name in choirs even after I’m dead, you gave me a personality that cannot be ignored, you’ve made me loud and heard, the envy of all breathing things who doubt and hate themselves. It’s through my blatant self-confidence that I’m able to give you thanks and show approval for the wonderful work you’ve done on me.
xoxoxox Lauren O Lauren BLESSED
My Dinner date that went wrong,
Now, my boyfriend is an angel sent to me from God himself, i love him more than myself, i love him so much I would give him my life and die.
He knows me like a book, i have never been with a man who observes my every move and can predict my very next move, he knows what i like and don’t like, he knows when to tell me to shut up, because any minute now I could say something very rude.
So last week I went on a date with one of my suitors. First things first, I am not sleeping around, like to date it makes me feel pretty, I’m guilty of wanting to be told I’m perfect all the time, although I love my Cookie he doesn’t really compliment me that much that’s his only fault. Every man knows the fastest way to my vagina is with compliments, lots and lots of compliments!!
So anyway though, im on this date yeah, laughing smiling eating my pasta and sipping my red wine, it was about 11pm kinda late, my cell phone rings and an unknown number comes up. I answer not thinking that it could be Cookie he never calls at this time. I hear an excited bubbly male voice on the other line that sounded just like Cookie; “hello babe, where are you” I felt the blood run out of my face, my eyes expanded and if i wasn’t already sitting I would have fallen, my date looks at me and he picks up that something is off, so i try to carry the conversation a bit.
“are you high” i asked him “what are you doing up”
Cookie who by now must know im up to something laughs and repeats the question, i try to change the subject by telling him about my day and a bunch of unnecessary shit. But by now my date raises his eyebrows fully aware that i must be talking to a boyfriend.
Then Cookie asks me again “where are you” I was so shocked that I couldn’t do anything but laugh, Cookie by now is shouting at the top of his voice saying next time i’m with a man and he calls i shouldn’t answer.
BUSTED!!!!!
Friends ask me what would Cookie do if he caught me with another man, he would be too happy to care, finally he would have a legit reason to get rid of me
xoxoxo Lauren O Lauren
Hello God
First of all Special happy birthday to my baby sister Alexia Dunn who turned 21 years old today, she’s studying medicine in New York city, a member of a christian Modeling agency, still a virgin and just perfect in every single way and I love you Alexia, im soooooo proud of you, You are everything I’ve always wanted to be but fell short of because I lack drive, determination (and the right bleaching cream)
Secondly Special shout outs goes to Kimberly Walker who works in the Subway upstairs mall plaza, who is a big fan of my Blogs and whom I met today while I was buying (ironically) a cookie.
Now let’s get into the reason for my existence, controversy. Hello God, I know you too read my blogs and im giving a special shout out to you also sir.
I was wondering while I watched a Lady Gaga video today, why is it that these people who they “claim” worship the devil and the Illuminati always get the good stuff? They are always soo successful, Proctor and Gamble, blah blah blah, yes I know when we get to heaven we will be drinking all the milk and honey, but quite frankly I’m lactose intolerant and honey makes my throat itch.
I don’t think you’re a cruel God, I don’t care what they say you would not make us suffer.
Ms Rose walks to church every Sunday and she prays every night, she’s 67 years old, Why then God do you still make her walk to Church when the Devil gave Jay Z a Bently and he’s still young and vibrant. Some one is reading this and saying that im “Blaspheming” but everybody knows Jesus is my “Homeboy”.
Sometimes God you seem so cruel, if I sin the possibility exist that you may send me to hell anyway, then I would have lived a fucked up life and now a life of damnation? You’re reading my most inner private thoughts and judging me on that too, I thought my second grade teacher was tough but even she might go to hell, nobody should have the right to give 7 year olds so much homework!
Come on God, is it really the Devil giving all these people all these great things and why don’t you just get rid of him already, make us all good with your magical hand and give us a land of milk and honey now, except me I want cookies and soda, but we’ll get back to that.
My point is you are supposed to be punishing us for what Adam and Eve did right? but isn’t that what the English Government did to Jamaica when they ask us all to now apply for Visas? Don’t be like the Queen, she’s scary, wrinkled and even after MJ’s death insists on wearing white gloves. Just think about what i’m saying, if you plan to start giving out cars, I’ve always wanted a Mustang.
xoxoxo lauren O Lauren, God I know you can solve this.
Over 5000 friends on facebook
Once again I think I shall dedicate a blog on my own personal website to me, Lauren Alexander, sometimes Lauren Dunn but never anyone else.
As my influence on the internet grows, as my name in the streets strengthens I am faced with a puzzling situation that I can’t seem to figure out. What is the obsession with me? Why is it that I have over 5000 friends on facebook and 300 pending in just two days?? Why is it that I go (GO every last Saturday at Club Privilege Jamaica) out of my way to be nice to people and try to do the right thing only to hear someone say to me, I don’t want to be in the middle of anything? Why is it always about choosing a side, and fighting a war?
If you’ve never been to Kingston but keep abreast of my blogs you would have known by now that this little city no bigger than my shoe collection, is the city of fake kisses, half hellos and brown people who can never leave Jamaica for the horrible truth that they too are black will slap them so hard, they may end up killing themselves.
I can’t pretend, I can’t play hypocrite and my boyfriends cloud isn’t thick enough to hold my ego. I can only be me and I can only smile when I want to, if I tell you Hi, no matter what you’ve heard about me I have no problems with you and that’s why I can say HI.
Being nobodies friend is of no value to the empire I’m trying to build. To my 5000 facebook friends, get ready for a bumpy yet Privileged ride. I may talk a lot of garbage but believe me when I say there is a method to my obvious madness.
I’m going to try my very best to not take things so personal, I will give 90% and only take 10% back (90/10, 90% Hip Hop 10% Dancehall every Thursday at Club Privilege)
I’m Uber excited to start this process into becoming a much better person (“Uber” the all inclusive party July 10th at Club Privilege,
brought to you by Scott Dunn, Carlos Phillpotts,Pierre Gobault, PP and Paul Mathews!!!!!!!
See you at Club Privilege…..
xoxoxoxox The real Lauren O Lauren
