Fall Trends- The Black people should stay away from.
Yes Fashion we all love it, I’ve never really been into what’s in more of “what’s in that i Like and would look sensible in” And while magazines, Fashion Bloggers and stylist are cluttering our brain waves with fashion advise, I thought I’de do one for the “sisters”. So I’m going to analyze a couple of these styles and see if they are Black approved:
NEUTRALS seem to be big this fall, because of the splash of color we saw during summer. This works fine for Black sisters and it’s fine for people who live in tropical climates like myself.
I like to describe neutrals as base colors since you would usual use them to build or layer an outfit.
Another trend that was seen a lot on the run way were longer skirts, yeah its a do, not my cup of tea though. I like t=my skirts a little beyond the knee but if it’s going to be down to my ankles it better be a dress.
Over The knee boots! I love it and its definitely a trend the “sisters” can partake in, love them, reminds me of my favorite movie, Pretty Woman with Julia Roberts, But can tropical climates partake in this trend, I don’t see why not just keep them to night time as oppose to day time.
Lace is also making a big and bold statement this month, mix and match it with different pieces, the mens look is big for women so try it with a manly suite.
My favorite statement of course, is animal print, every woman must have a pair of leopard print pumps in her closet, i have a really nice pair but they happen to be two left foot, i bought them in a boutique store in Philadelphia and when i tried to return them they had closed down they are absolutely gorgeous, I keep trying to find another pair but with no luck. But animal print is definitely hot and what i missed out on in the boot I made up for it with my zebra print leggings and cheetah spotted matching bra and panty set 
Red lips seem to be in, I don’t know about most sisters but I cant wear red lipstick its not condolent to my skin tone. According to Allure crazy brows are also in look at the picture judge for yourself.
Rosy cheeks are also in take a look at the pictures is it any wonder they usually use white models. 
Glad to share that with you ladies, PS colored nails are still BIG, but short nails, those dracula nails that you ladies have been sporting is not cute.
xoxoxox Lauren O Lauren
Men who want to have sex with boys.
NAMBLA founder David Thorstad lies on his water bed with two young boys
Originally I was ment to be doing something really important but I started doing some research and got distracted, I came across the NAMBLA’s website and home page, let me break the code for you “North American Man/Boy Association” What NAMBLA does is fight to end the oppression of men and boys in consenting sexual relationships, So what they’re saying is that presently the law is restricting them because the law doesn’t understand. According to them NAMBLA has been around for 30 years supporting these men who supposedly go to prison for “molesting” young boys whom I think they “think” love them. They believe strongly in Man and Boy relationships.
I copy this from their website this is how they described Man/Boy love “It’s the love of a man for a boy, and of a boy for a man. Enjoyable, consensual, beautiful”
Now you wanna see something even more disturbing, this is also something I copied from their site, this is what two young boys had to say about their older male “suitors”
“Who we are is perhaps best understood from Dr. John Money’s account of two boys, who speak about how they view their adult lovers: Andy – “Just as normal as anybody else. He is like a second father to me.” Burt – “He’s neat; and he’s nice, and gives me more respect than anyone ever has … he treats me like an adult, not like my parents treat me. To me, he’s my best friend.”
Allow me to interpret what I get out of it, children like toys, they like gifts and they like to get, an older man giving them nice things is of course going to seem nice to them. What I just read above was not the definition of love, not in the slightest, I do not believe a child can know what love is or even begin to understand it. Why do you think children only really love their parents after they are much older and have moved out of the house.
A man who has sex with a boy is nasty and worst than what society conceives to be homosexual, some of these boys are just dam near greedy and the love of pretty things comes with a painful price is all I have to say. I don’t know what is happening in this world on their website you can make a donation, you know to support these sick fucks or you can join fight the historic sick cause. They use the writings of Plato and many other great philosophical figures to justify their cause.
hmmmmm I have nothing more to add, if my nephew told me he had a man giving him money and doing sexual acts with him, I would neatly drive over him with his dad’s car.
xoxoxo Lauren O Lauren (Don’t bring kids into this world if you’re ready for parenting. Support your local abortion clinic or use condoms)
Dear God could you stop doing that and pay attention to me please!
I just heard some troubling news, First one is the Gay pastor of a huge Mega Church in Atlanta is accused of having sex with several teenage boys, lavishing them with expensive gifts and cars. I don’t understand why do the Gay men get all the expensive gifts and the fucking cars? I’m not ungrateful I’m just pondering.
Then I hear about a lady whose Husband went to the Chest Hospital to do a minor surgery, he’s 31 has two kids just finished his degree, she just had a baby last December they were happy and ready to take on the world. He never woke up after they put him to sleep for the surgery! He died God, I’ve been begging you for the past two weeks! to take me but no, you take someone else who obviously wants to be alive. I’m not criticizing your work I’m just saying exactly what are you doing, are you gonna take my life when I’m happy and don’t want to die? why would you do that?
Listen if you read this blog and you’re free this week, then I can be available up until Friday. Friday is when my rent is due, if you’re gonna kill me Friday it has to be before 8am cuz by 8 my landlord would have already been parked outside waiting on her rent, what’s the point of dieing after the rent is paid?
Talk to ya later God
xoxoxox Lauren O Lauren (ps this blog is not to be taken literal it’s a private conversation between God and a subject)
I left my wallet at home
Went to meet a friend for I guess you can call it a chat, a guy friend of mine, he suggested it. I met him there and we were talking blah, blah, blah I ordered food he ordered as well a shrimp business thing, I just had a simple hamburger. The bill came, I never ever reach for my purse but over the last couple of months I’ve total forgotten what it’s like for a man to spoil me, I was tied down in a non profitable relationship and I got used to being fucking reasonable.
So I said to my friend I have my card so just give me your cash, yes everyone Aunty Lauren was splitting the bill and you know what happened it back fired in my pretty little made up Mac c7 powdered face. He felt his pockets and went “oh dammit I left my wallet in the car” As soon as he said I felt sick because I’ve seen this scene in lots of movies and read about them, even laughed at others who mentioned them and here I was being played!!
He said to meet him by his car, he went on his phone and I paid the bill but I knew there was no money in his car, come one, I may seem a little dumb but before one man ruined my game, I used to take 1st class trips to LA just to buy clothes to go on first class trips to the Barbados and Aruba my life was perfect.
When I got into his car I didn’t even bring it up, I just let it be when he dropped me home, I simply said you owe me dinner.
I’m not mad because the next man I get my paws on is gonna pay for this horrible year I’ve been having!
That is all I’m gonna say about that.
xoxoxox Lauren O Lauren become a fan of The Market on Facebook,The Market
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The IT girl at The party is very good host.
A good host is always drunk! hahahaha. A good host is supposed to be friendly and knowledgeable of her audience, people have always told me I’m very entertaining but the truth is, I’m not entertaining at all, I’m mad so because I’m mad people’s views, comments and reactions don’t matter to me, allowing me to be ME!!!
So here are some of my winning “IT Girl” tips, good hosts as we “IT” girls tend to be don’t just drink anything, those are called clumsy college girls trying to fit in. No honey fabulous people always have a signature drink, mine has been “Vodka and Redbull” for the longest while, however I have since graduated to a more lady like drink that gets me drunk much quicker and works well with everything else, I now drink lots of red wine. Since being introduced to red wine and all the benefits it has to my vagina I keep bottles and bottles of it at home, of course most of these bottles are empty but that’s not the point. The point is have a drink and write your name on it.
The next thing IT girls do is they test themselves, they know how much will get them drunk, they know drinking this portion will make them tell everyone what really happened last summer. So know your measurements and never over do it, it’s not Fabulous.
A good host knows her liquor down to the mathematics of it, the cheaper the tequila the worst you will feel when you wake up tomorrow morning, trust Aunty Lauren, I’ve been there. Coffee induced tequila feel much better in the morning!
Now it’s time for Red Wine, there are over 25 different types of it, but the most common ones you’ll find behind a bar when you order a glass is Merlot and probably Chardonnay. Red Wine goes really well with pastas and pizza. When you’re hosting a party or being an IT girl and you’re catering to more than 20 people there is no way in hell you will be able to, or is expected to have a meaningful conversation with anyone, a meaningful conversation lasts at least 20 minutes a party lasts for what 4 to 5 hours, if you talk to everybody for 20 minutes that party would go on for days!!!
When you’re ready to leave, there are several things you can do, you can yawn, pretend to be really, really drunk or say you have a meeting/shoot/a doctor’s appointment/ a yeast infection (lol) to do early tomorrow morning
I hope this information kinda helped a bit as it relates to Being the “IT” girl and hosting a party.
xoxoxo Lauren O Lauren
My 22 second birthday party at Medusa, i raised money and collected food for a children's charity.
A Buddhist Tale, from me to you.
My grandfather gave me a book called. “A flock of fools” some ancient Buddhist Tales of wisdom and laughter. It’s one of my favorite books and I never get tired of it. I’m gonna share a story with you about a thief, its called
THEFT OF GOLD
Many years ago in a distant land two peddlers went to the marketplace together to sell their wares. One of the peddlers brought true gold to offer, and the other sold cotton. During the day a customer interested in the gold scorched it to test its authenticity. Then he placed it back down on the table. When the cotton peddler saw him place the gold back down, he made sure no one was looking and then quickly grabbed the other’s scorched gold and wrapped it in his cotton. But the gold was still hot and it burned up the cotton wrapping. Thus, his theft was exposed and he lost both the gold and the cotton.
Now read that over a couple times, how well can you interpret that story? What is the message here?
Tomorrow I’m gonna post another story.
Xoxoxo Lauren O Lauren,
IT’S UNFAIR
whats not fair? tell me what is
Wow it seems I’ve been falling behind in my blog writing! So I thought hey that’s a thought going into the new year! I wanna talk about the business! Any kind of business, my grandfather once said “when in Rome, do like the Romans” however he also went on to say “Boundless are the ways of foolish men”, well he didn’t say that I did.
My point is many people get up and say oh I’m gonna do this different and I intend to make this happen when truth of the matter is, there’s nothing much else you can do with a pair of white jeans that’s gonna make you stand out any different from the millions wearing white jeans! I don’t care what you wanna spray on it or where you plan to cut it. Before I confuse myself, what I’m really saying is if you really really want to stand out stay away from white jeans over all and buy red. For the sake of this blog coming off like a conversation about jeans, I’ll go further into saying there are ways of this world that aren’t easily changed, maybe you aren’t the one to change it, nothing is wrong with falling in line with the other solders. Everyone has heard the story of the millions who tried to pull a sword from a rock and rule a kingdom, only one man succeeded. Life isn’t fair, but its in the unfairness of situations that one can see where the world is at a perfect balance.
Just listen for a second there is a method to my madness, I can’t remember right now who first spoke about this but I promise you it wasn’t me, “there has to be good, for bad to exist”, “there has to be rich for there to be poor” you see what I’m getting at.
Life may seem unfair on this side, but that’s just because it seems fair on the other side. We all have a destiny, some have the power or will to change there’s some of us don’t but we all have the power to let go and be happy.
Think about something that made you upset today, then think to your self would this have upset me a year ago, will it still upset me a year from now? Who defines you? Who the fuck told you that you are defined by those idle persons who just sit down and talk bad about people all day, because secretly they themselves are stuck and pissed off that they can’t pull the sword from the rock!
I tweeted this the other day, and now I’ll say it again. Not every fight was ment to be won, save your energy for the war!
Xoxox Lauren Alexander, I am originally me!
Don’t allow him to move you in!
I grew up on a farm my mom and dad were very poor they had 10 children I was the 10th, hahahahahaha not really I just always wanted to say that ahahahaha.
Now let’s go on to another topic which most women find tricky. I’m 23 years old and I have never lived with a man, yes it could be that I’m annoying, problematic and just too dam loud. It could also be that I’m unwilling to put my trust solely into a man and give up my independence. Girls blush when guys move them in they feel special and loved, but the reality of the situation is you’re now climbing up some very high steps and not using the handle bar what happens when you miss a step, he throws you out and moves another one in. Guys who want there girlfriends to live with them are the guys who cheat while playing monopoly and probably owns a pair of loaded dice. They like to be in control, and if there is anywhere that a man can exude his kingly behavior then it would have to be his home, under his roof where you either do as you’re told or get out.
I don’t know why women keep making this mistake, if you live with him there is no need 87% of the time for him to marry you, he’s already getting the benefits of being married to you, he wakes up beside you, you clean, cook, remind him that the cable bill is still unpaid and one day you’ll miss a day on your pill and he’ll get you pregnant. By then your dreams of getting married in Alexander Mcqueen dress will be neatly replaced with hoping he comes home on time because the baby won’t stop crying.
Don’t give up what is due to you ladies, if he says move in say, sure buy me a ring. He’ll think twice if you mean something to him he’ll buy you a ring and think about it, but if you let him move you in and you refer to each other as Husband and wife, well that’s defeating the purpose, if of course you dnt mind being just live in and out girlfriend and boyfriend for the rest of your life. Look at his track record has he always lived with women? How soon does he move them in? How quickly does he move them out?
Being in a mans house creates room for easy “conformity” you now become “property” like the couch and the plasma tv you go with the decor but come next fall you could be the wrong color and may be replaced with next seasons must have, a sleeker, younger, much more willing version.
Like a lot of things in life, you are told never to jump all in except in Vegas of course, when investing money, investors tell you to keep a little back in case the market collapses, a relationship is like an investment it can collapse any time, always have an alternative, would you go to the middle of the ocean and not bring a life jacket if you said yes your like the fool who didn’t prepare. Men like what they can’t have, they want to control what seems impossible, tell him you won’t move in until he makes you feel like its a permanent move, after all you’re not Jehovahs witness there’s no need for you to be roaming from house to house. Tell him you want a ring its not too much to ask for if he’s willing to move you in after all.
There’s an old Jamaican proverb, “see me and come live wid me, a two different thing”
You may spend weeks at a time at his house, but you go ahead and move in there and see what a difference the situation makes. Don’t take my words lightly ladies.
Xoxox Lauren Alexander, smarter than I appear!
Dear Reader, I got this email a while back,
I’ve scouting my tumblr for old posts and I thought I’de redo a couple of them, here is one from a little over a year ago.
I Received an email today from one of my male readers. Big Up all the men who read my columns, this is the email…….
Hello, i know you dont have a ph’d in psychology but your a woman and that’s enough.
I have been going out with my girlfriend for over 4 1/2 years now, this april 16 will be 5 years.
Since in first couple of years sex was great but then its like the tap turned off. Whats even worse
she is very unaffectionate now. But always wants to come over. I feel like she is my sister now.As a male this is VERY VERY frustrating. I havent cheated on her but i am a male, we CANNOT live without sex, and no masturbation isnt the same, not even close.
How can women expect to have a relationship with a man and then trap them by turning it into a sibling affair with no intimacy and no sex. And im not talking about
demanding it 3 times a day, im talking about maybe 2 to 3 times a week or even once a week. I havent had sex with my girlfriend in 8 months and she doesnt even want me to touch her in any suggestive manner it seems.*sigh*My other male friends complain about this as well. They say they might as well call their girlfriends/wives their sister, cuz really what would be the difference???
I know this isnt one of those Dear Doc articles in the gleaner, but im asking you as a woman, why do women do this.
Because of this, im afraid or certain im never getting married, because it would feel like too much of a trap. im sorry i just love sex too much,
but i want to it be with my woman, im not into cheating around.BTW my sister,oops i mean my girlfriend just turned 25.
Dear young man,I’m going to give you my opinion as a woman, I also asked 3 other of my female friends also because I don’t want to be biased. So we all agreed except one, you know what allow me to start from the top.
Maybe she lost a baby for you, and her appetite for sex has died, maybe you had a fling a couple years back, or recently and it has made her unable to have that sexual emotion for you.
OR……. it could be this, she’s been with you for sooo long she’s reached her peek 25, and she probably out grew you, you aren’t what she wants anymore. She still hangs out with you so maybe she hasn’t found somebody that she wants to stay with just yet, but she definitely doesn’t want a relationship with you. She probably looks at you and wonders why she was with you to begin with, do you financially support her maybe that’s whats keeping her at your house.
My advise move on to a next girl someone who can give you what you want sitting down with someone who makes you unhappy isn’t helping any of you, you’d probably be doing her a favor, she clearly wants out, but whatever you’re giving her (which clearly isn’t sex) she wants to hang on to it.
I’m trying to think of something else that could cause this but nah, that’s it she goodly find a next man, i’m wondering how old you are, if you’re way older than her for sure she wants a young penis.
xoxoxoxox Lauren Alexander, Find happiness sweetheart, its out there.
My First Bra.
a woman's bra says a lot about her
My first bra was black and it wasn’t much smaller than the one I’m wearing now, the only difference is the one I’m wearing now is orange and has a USD$60 price tag, it does more for my skin tone than it actually does in the fight against gravity (Fuck my life)
It was my first year of boarding school, I was there for like I dunno 2 months when I realized and became fascinated with all the girls putting their bras on, on tv they show women struggling to latch our hooks at the back, but in reality we put our bras on backwards and then spin it around. I didn’t really need a bra but I wanted to feel like one of the girls and everybody had a bra except me. I remember how nonchalant my mother was when I told her, however the next week she brought me a simple black bra, it had no padding just a thin bone to keep my barely there breast from falling to me knees.
I wore that bra every day, it never even crossed my mind that I would need more. But that was fine because that’s what it was, my first bra it was the stage and building blocks for many more to come. How a woman treats her bras and how she feels about them, including how she shops for them is oddly but usually the way she sees and does everything else in her life.
I love all my bras and I don’t like any more than the other to be honest, I like them in lots of different colors and they all serve a different purpose, and I’m always looking for a new one.
A woman’s bra is one of those things that truly make us feminine and separates us from our male counterparts much easier than anything else I’m going to declare the rest of September national Bra month!! So everyday wear a bra that truly embodies your character.
Comment on this blog by saying what color bra you’re currently wearing and I’ll have a personality specialist tell you what kinda person you are.
xoxoxo Lauren O Lauren I’m wearing an orange bra!!
Who had the best Nude Picture Scandal of all time? Kanye you be the judge
Several celebs have had scandals this year,lets take a moment to review the pictures and leave your comment on who you think had the best Nude picture of all time.
Kim K 1
Kim K 2
Cassie 1
Cassie 2
vannessa Hudgens
Vanessa Hudgens 2
Rhianna 1 & 2
The olsen Twins
There yah Go i looked so you dont have to, lol
pick the best nude pic scandal of all time!
xoxoxoxox Lauren O Lauren
My neighbor is the girl on the side, *GASP, GASP*
I’ve been really paying attention to my neighbor whose boyfriend drives the “Mature” BMW. So every night this car comes and its there for a couple of hours until really late sometimes, sometimes very early in the morning but never over night, sometimes the car was there in the day time too but only on the weekends.
At first I wasn’t really paying attention but I found a lotta time on my hands and I even noticed that early in the morning my dog gets really annoyed at loud noises, he’s a lot like his mommy eh? Anyways as I was saying so This man is clearly an older man, he wears glasses and always wears a belt in his pants that are always firmly on his waist, awwww! Then I started examining his car, I like to call them the MATURE Car of the working class.
The car of the working class
Lesson 1, When a black man has worked hard for his money he will buy a car that says, Power, class, quality and no I did not do drugs to buy this car. So they won’t buy a fancy two door or a drop top or chrome it out or get the dashboard personalized with the words “HUSTLER”
So right away I thought if you can afford to buy a nice car, then certainly you had other priorities in tact, you must also have a nice house. So then why are you always coming over??? Why don’t you take her to your house, how come she’s always home. I don’t know much about men but I know all the important things:
(1) They wanna have sex with women
(2) They wanna have sex with Women
(3) They like security and like to be in charge
So with that information I know he wouldn’t be driving his expensive car, wearing his expensive linen pants held up by his genuine leather belt, to see her at her “un posh”/ “Not really Beverly hills” apartment now would he? Unless of course, there’s another woman in his town house/ nicely furnished apartment where all the furniture is probably imported from Indonesia. Of Course Mr BMW is married!!!!
My neighbor is the well taken care of “Mistress”, he’s always bringing bags of groceries and he visits her every day, I’ve even heard them having sex! But I know he’s married if he wasn’t he would pick her up instead of stop by. Men are like that, they wanna be in control of the situation so they will bring you to their house, however if they’re married or have a steady girlfriend you my sweet heart aren’t going anywhere near that house.
What are we women to do, some of us never win! It seems some women are destined for a life of left overs and used handbags, expensive hand bags yes! you may even call it a vintage purse! but after a while don’t you wanna new pair? Men constantly complain that all women want from them is their money, but when you get a girl who really cares about you and is willing to “hold you down” do you even fucking want her?
Some women are happy being the woman on the side, eh who am I to say whats right and whats wrong. I do know that my neighbor shouldn’t wear orange eye shadow with that red lipstick again, that’s wrong. I have a very strong clown fear and I couldn’t sleep for days the last time I told her good morning.
Where ever we find happiness, we should stay there,
xoxox Lauren O Lauren
VAGINA!! Bitches lemme show you how to work it!!
For all those who read my blog about Vajazzle and your interested in trying it out Jawels is selling the kits to do it yourselves, her number is 872 9842. Don’t stalk her though and she wont do it for you. She has the do it yourself kits.
The vagina is like a house. different rooms for different things
Hidden secrets revealed
I have found it ladies!! When your mother told you that a good personality is what most men need in a woman she was fucking lying! slap the bitch tell her to have a seat its 2010 not 1769! The Vagina has POWER and I have been researching all night and all day to find them, so if you don’t believe me do what i’m about to tell you, read the next paragraph- put the computer away- then come back and tell Aunty Lauren what he said.
When your boyfriend (or male person 
is about to enter you exhale deeply, deeper than you’ve ever done before. ask him to go slow. (try not to sound like your suffocating) then when the head is in begin inhaling, your vagina should be copying your breathing patterns. do it a couple times throughout and it should make a difference, while you’re on top try while he goes in you breath out
Welcome back what did he say?
I’m gonna tell you about “milking the Penis”, in India its called the “Pompoire”, In Arabia its the Kabbazah means the clasp, in the far east its known as the “Singapore Kiss”, but what they all mean in short is a woman taking full control of her vagina muscles.
Women go on diets to cleanse their bodies and shed pounds but this my dearest’s is a different kind of workout, after 8 weeks, right in time for the Christmas holidays you’ll be able to do things with your Vagina that Joan Rivers cant do with her face!
Vaginal Strengthening Exercises: Flex your PC muscles (vaginal and anal muscles) as if you are sucking your vagina and anus up into your body. Hold the flex as described, and then release and relax your muscles.
1) Quick Flex:
Flex your PC muscle as hard as you can, hold for 2 seconds, and then completely relax the muscle. That is one rep. Wait 1 second between reps.2) Slow Flex:
Slowly flex your PC muscle as hard as you can, hold for 15 seconds, and then release slowly, completely relaxing the muscle. That is one rep. Wait 5 seconds between reps.3) Super Flex:
Slowly flex your PC muscle as hard as you can, hold for as long as you can up to 60 seconds, and then release. That is one rep. Wait 30 seconds between reps.4) Push Out:
This exercise will help you develop the ability to ejaculate and to expel the ejaculate from your body. In this exercise, you are going to push out slowly with your vaginal muscles as if you are trying to push an object out of your vagina, hold for 5-10 seconds, and then release slowly, completely relaxing the muscle. That is one rep. Wait 5 seconds between reps.Daily Vaginal Strengthening Exercises Program
Quick Flex: 20-100 reps (add ten reps per week) x 1 set. Add 1 set every 2 weeks. Work up to 4 sets daily.
Slow Flex: 10-25 reps (add 3 reps per week) x 1 set. Add 1 set every 2 weeks. Work up to 4 sets daily.
Super Flex: 1-10 reps (add 1 rep per week) x 1 set. Add 1 set every 2 weeks. Work up to 4 sets daily.
Push Out: 10-25 reps (add 3 reps per week) x 1 set. Add 1 set every 2 weeks. Work up to 4 sets daily.Just as with any exercise program, you should start out slowly and build up over time. Start with the lowest number of repetitions and sets and increase the number of each as suggested. You can do the entire program at one session, or you can split the exercises into several sessions throughout the day. However, it is important to do every exercise daily in order to make progress. After being on this program for 4-8 weeks you should have dramatically increased your sexual muscle tone, while also dramatically increasing your capacity for sexual pleasure.
I will post a blog about exactly how to use those new muscles you’ve developed
xoxox Lauren O Lauren, My Vagina can change the world!
I want to “Vajazzle” my VAGINA!!!!!!!!
a fullu vajazzled Vajay jay!!!!
The procedure
I’m obsessed with the million different other past time activities that I can do with my vagina, apart from the usual vaginal activities such as “child Labour” and “playing host to a unpleasing penis”
I have discovered VAJAZZLING, its kind of like dressing up your vagina for a tea party! I haven’t done it yet, but it won’t be long before I get it done.
This is how it works, you have to make sure the vagina is Clean, hair free and dry! Then a professional (or if you have one of the at home kits) will apply Swarovski crystals to your nether regions in different shapes and patterns as you little heart desires.
if done properly it should last at least 5 days, if the application is done properly then its really up to you to do your best to keep them where they are, wear loose clothing stay away from tight, shiftable underwear.
Will it hurt your boyfriend? who gives a fuck about what happens to him, don’t upset ma spirit with stupid selfish questions.
Can the crystals be re used? sure they can if you can find them when and if they fall off.
By the time your pubic hair starts growing back they would have already fallen off so don’t worry about it. Vajazzling is just to spice up your boring vagina kinda like wearing makeup on your face.
do it ladies decorate your vagina and lye down naked in the bed while he showers!
xoxoxox Lauren O Lauren constantly searching for new things to do to the female Vagina!!
What His friends are telling him and why you should care.
I have figured it out, every one gather around *taps wine bottle with a big fork*. I got it, our whole lives we’ve been getting the messages but ignore them, “birds of a feather flock together” blah, blah, blah.
The next time you meet a guy and you go on a date with him, this is the first question you should ask him;
Do you have very close friends? What do they do? Are any of them married?
You need to know the relationship status of his friends so you can determine where his head is, Men live to fit in, they live to belong unlike us women who bond and have no real problem with standing out here and there men need to feel apart of the brother hood and that means doing what the other brothers are doing! So if all the other brothers are married, he will feel pressured into wanting to get married. I figured it out last night after my fourth drink my mind started to clear and my (insert name of all natural anti depressant here) started to kick in, when I saw one of my “sistrens” engaged I looked at her fiancé and then looked at all his friends and associates, yes children, they were all married!!!!
So if you’re boyfriend’s friends are all little “playboy’s” who have multiple baby mothers honey, I hate to be the one to tell you this but hoping that he marries you may be just wishful thinking. Not impossible but it’s kind of like winning the lottery, it doesn’t happen everyday.
Thats right ladies a man’s friends are sooooo important, unlike women, We put our ultimate trust in the man we’re dating, we change for them even our friends! Men are not going to change for us especially their precious friends, so to avoid hiccups and a bumpy ride make sure from day one that you meet his friends and know what they’re about save yourself some drama.
These are the things his friends are telling him and you should care, by getting married they’re telling him that he should also get married. Ever notice how most men have babies close together? I’ll give you an example I know two guys who are really good friends, One of them their baby mother delivered in November and the other ones baby mother delivered in June of the next year. Trust me on this I know what I’m talking about.
God came to me in a drunken dream, gave me this message and told me to tell women everywhere.
xoxoxox Lauren O Lauren, make sure your man has the right friends!
Whats The Universe really saying??? I’m so confused
You guys will not believe the month I’ve been having, ever since I was a little girl I always had issues with the month September, I never formally met my father, but my mom told me that he was born in September and that September was a “Crosses” month (the word Crosses means plagued with bad things). I don’t necessarily think so, but I did hate going back to boarding school.
My family is at it, again they’re fighting over stupid things, the guy I think I love has some serious fucking issues and I can’t make sense of the relationship he has with his “best friend”, don’t even ask.
So I asked designer Minka to give me a reading and she did and it all collaborated with what I read in this months Glamour Magazine and the today’s Observer.
Glamour said ” Look out for a work opportunity on September 13, and boost your chances with a brilliant marketing plan- for yourself. Launch a website, attend a conference or sell your wares. Show em what you got”!
That’s one right, now the today’s Observer it says:
Emails or calls leave you wondering if you want to be part of the group. Define the structure and plan first. Then make your decisions.
Now to a complete stranger these just look retarded and pointless but if you’re me you’ll know that this is a fucking sign. They all amount to the same thing, I’ve been saying to all my close friends for the longest while that I wanna do something but I don’t know what because I have this feeling that something is gonna happen.
It’s kind of funny actually because Minka told me in her reading that “this month is gonna be really bad where family and work is concerned. You’re gonna have to give of urself” She also said that this year is gonna be a good year for Marriage & settling down, that means I’m gonna meet someone (CHRIS BROWN). She also said I should make my home my central area, do a lot of entertaining at home and don’t start projects I can’t finish.
Do you know what that means lovies? That’s right mamma’s is probably gonna take a couple inspirational trips abroad. Whenever I get really stressed I disappear for a couple of months, so I think I should go to Miami for a month, New York for a few and work on some inspirational projects.
xoxoxoxox Lauren O Lauren alexia are you ready to get to know my side of The City!! Bitch i’m coming to party
This is what I want from a MAN or fuck off!
So being the nice and easy go along chick, didn’t work!
I’m joining the millions of women who make lists of the men they want, I’ve never done a list before because to me it’s always been about how the person made me feel, but I’ve have realized that having a list doesn’t hurt.
1- He must be at least 10 years older than me. These extra years add up when you have to deal with petty things like his partying habits and too many random girls pinging him at 2am.
2- He must have structured and predictable days He must have a routine, kind of like a 9 to 5
3- He must come from a two parent home upbringing, he needs to have a relationship with his parents! both of them. I can’t deal the phycological damage and hard work that it goes into dating a broken and angry man, ugh!
4- He must have no baby mothers, i’m over it. I don’t want a man with baggage do you see me burdening you with any baby drama.
5- This entourage of friends I will no longer put up with, you should have a handful of good friends. They all better be married or in solid relationships with bitch wives who demand that they get home at 8 o clock.
6- He must not live with his parents. Fuck that!!
7- He must not be an only child, I’m not even gonna go there with the mothers who wanna fuck there sons!
8- He can be religious but I don’t wanna date a man who is going to church every Sunday and always lecturing me about God Motherfucker I will cut you, move from me with that bible.
9- Honey it is not important for me to meet your mother, you don’t have to take me home. But if you meet my mother (which i doubt will happen) I expect you to be really nice to her and develop a relationship with her. My mother is very important to me so when we pass her house on weekends bring flowers.
10- I’m kind of like a child I demand attention and when I do a good job I want a pat on the back or a sticker that says “superstar”. Your opinion is the only one that matters to me so if you never say anything to me, it’s like pushing me away.
I made a short list for now! As it relates to a guys physical features, nah I don’t really care that much to make a list about it. I just don’t want him to be too fussy and wear too many outstanding labels and too much bling, and i hate braids, so please cut your hair and look like a little boy for me please.
I’ll be your biggest cheerleader and do whatever you want but you gotta be willing to make a fair trade off with me honey. Don’t expect me to be reasonable and sweet when you’re being a jerk and no older than a 12 year old. I want, I need a MAN! If I wanted a woman I would be with one, I’m hot I can get any sex I want, so stop arguing with me and let me bitch until I calm down! I’m the woman in this relationship and I suffer from painful cramps every month, while all you worry about shifting and aligning your penis in your jeans. 
xoxoxox Lauren O Lauren, Dear Santa I know it’s early but for christmas, please don’t give me any more toy soldiers with their fake army’s. Thanks in advance
The Audacity of DEATH.
Macbeth, Act V, Sc. V
“To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,”
He spoke about death and dying Shakespeare seemed to have a lot to say about the subject, in many of his works he spoke about death almost as if Death were another person.
As humans we have learned many skills, we can do almost anything we want, however we cannot and have not been able to dismiss the audacity of death. When death arrives you cant send it back, I feel like I’m slowly developing an unhealthy obsession with the idea of death, it almost amazes me. You can live for years and own the most fabulous things the world has ever seen, but you’re going to die. Spending nights plotting against somebody you don’t like, and then one of you dies and the other follows
I can almost feel at peace knowing that this whole wide world will die, the cute baby your nestling in your arms may never grow up, I sound convincingly morbid. Why suddenly am I thinking about death? well actually I was thinking about suicide first and this came up, and before you ask I wasn’t thinking about committing suicide I was contemplating what a friend told me about some friend of hers who she thought was gonna commit suicide, thus why I ended up thinking about it.
For years Christians have told us that the after life is where we will be rewarded, but none of them want to die. The news terrifies us, telling us Death is out there and we should take steps to avoid it, reality shows and MTV cribs have glorified life, how wonderful it is if we work hard we can have all these pretty things that glisten!
But why do they forget to tell us that no matter what we’re gonna die, life is literally short.
All the things you work hard for will be left right here on earth then you’re gonna plunge into a sleep like immortality that you’ll never wake from, think of it as a forever sleep.
It leads me to say, “the audacity of Death is amazing” If some of us were like death, we would have accomplished so much more in our short lives, Death never asks our permission and it doesn’t really warn us that its on its way does it.
Empathy and Death are my new two favorite words.
I will live every day as if it where my last and I will not allow simple terra diddles and unnecessary arguments take away from the very short life I am trying to live.
lauren O lauren
Could Gay Men make us better Women??
treat your man like shit!! He'll marry you for it
Gay men, ooh lala they get it all don’t they? are they becoming the women we should be, They are loud dramatic and are just not having it!
Should we copy them? Honey last night my Gay friend from Mandevil came to pick me up in his boyfriends new BMW, we went for drinks, all i’m saying is nobody that I ever gave great sex to was giving me their BMW to drive. That’s all!
Gay Men learn from the best real women! or at least what we used to be and this goes back to what I said in yesterday’s blog, you know the one I did on support group. We need to stand up to men and let them know we are more than just holes we can jump in! Im not saying women should become prostitutes, but how much longer do you want to just sit down and put up with being ok, how long have we sat down and gotten pregnant? Forever, so I shouldn’t give young girls advise and turn them into prostitutes but for years women have been very similar to cows, breeding, pushing them out and taking care of them. Then when our breast sag and we begin to age, our men turn to younger girls, flaunt them in public and we should stay home and be quiet because hey! at least i’m the one he’s coming home to! Doesn’t matter if he doesn’t come home every night, but one day he will run out of clean under wear and he may need to return.
When you hear the news or local hair dresser gossip like I do, you realize Gay men are very passionate about their relationships when it starts to go bad, they rip each others eyes out, and shoot each other! Women need to get just as fucking angry, we need to scare our men into submissiveness and trust me honey, they love it!!
The best thing you could do to a man is treat him like shit, they LOVE IT!! I have a really good friend he only dates women who terrify him, he’s always so scared to do anything because he doesn’t know what he’s going to tell his girlfriend, do you think he’s gonna leave her? No she’s going to scare him to the point where he’s going to put a ring on her finger before she kills him in his sleep!
Men like men whether you believe it or not, thats why he forces you to get along with his friends, and that’s why a large portion of them have begun dressing like Kanye West. Lets give men what they want, Don’t pick up the phone after 8pm or before 10 am, tell them you’re busy the first 2 times they ask you out, and every time you answer the phone say “who is this” even though you know exactly who it is!
Most importantly forget important dates like they do all the time, forget his birthday and then call the next day and say its because you were busy.
The goal here is to treat them really bad, don’t worry men love it.
xoxoxox Lauren O Lauren! We love boys!
(Ps this only works if you and your boyfriend live in the same country, trying this while he’s in another country could cause problems. you have to be nice to the fools when they’re not around, because its so easy for them to find your replacement when your not around to hurt them)
Women’s support Group; “Todays Topic MEN”
Hello ladies it’s Muy Lauren O Lauren.
I’m starting a support group, i want to help all women rid themselves of weight! And I’m not talking about body fat, I mean weight that you don’t have to be carrying around. First of all I want to say that even though I have had a reputation for being a bitch. To a lot of men I was always “The Nice Girl” who would never tell, the girl they didn’t have to worry about because nothing much bothered me and even though to the outside world I seemed complex I was pretty simple, I understand everything and I never ever get jealous.
I’m here to tell you that my stupid behavior and many women like me are the reason why men cheat continuously and will still do it. I am here to tell you to stop, stop being a nice girl and become a fucking monster! Men marry bitched they always did and always will.
Scream at the top of your voice and threaten to tell, don’t give them the opportunity to smile and be happy, they don’t deserve it. Save all the texts and all the emails he sent you begging to take you to Italy, because one day you might need them.
Have you ever noticed how the woman on the side who is nice, calm, collected and doesn’t wave to him in public for fear of ruining his reputation always stays the woman on the side? It’s a weird thing, easy go along women end up being single mothers because they are also the ones who are afraid of having an abortion!
Pick up your cell phone and delete every number out of your phone that serves you absolutely no purpose, can you call him and chat? No he lives with his wife! Can he take you out for drinks? no its too risky, does he invite you over? No because then he would have to tell you to leave as oppose to going to your house, doing what he needs to do then saying “whoops look at the time I have a client that is waiting on me” and within 5 minutes he’d be out the door.
I have no problem with women doing something because they want to or have no problem with it, but don’t allow men to be happy in their sin, become complicated make them as miserable as we are once a month. Don’t always be nice and welcoming and definitely don’t ever return their calls!
I know this might be hard for some of us, because sometimes we get so lonely and the only person around are those asshole men, and even though we know there’s nothing more to the relationship other than the probably the whole hour it takes for them to park, undress, fuck, redress and then leave. A lot of women still put up with it.
This is your women’s support group, tell them to fuck off and don’t ever call your phone back, you’de rather date a man who you don’t really like, but who adores you and gives you lots of money than his pointless ass!
I’m Lauren O Lauren, are you in a pointless relationship? tell me about it and i’ll tell you if its really is. Sometimes we need an outsider to help us clear things up.
xoxoxox lauren o
We are Women
if things wont go your way, fuck him up with his own gun
