Upgrade your life make it Toxic Free, From Friends to Boyfriends.
Happy New Year everyone this is my first blog since 2012 I’ve been a little busy and I have some new projects on the horizons that I’m so excited about, But first a quick word of advise for my dedicated blog readers. The hardest part is always the lift off, just know that you’re closer than you think to your “Greatest Self”.
We live in a toxic world and its hard to stay away from it but there are a few techniques you can do to make sure that you’re world is toxic free, evaluate yourself, don’t worry about your pass but don’t forget it, forgetting causes you to repeat the mistakes, only live in the present and while you can’t always plan for tomorrow make sure you prepare for it.
Those Toxic Friends get rid of them, if you find yourself with your friends and the only thing you can talk about is how bad some other girl looked at a party or whose man doesn’t want them, let them go they are toxic and they are poisoning you. Friends live, love and laugh together not team up and tear others down it will back fire and the universe will hold everything that would have made you great back from you. Life is too short to waste it not living.
Toxic relationships the men and women in our lives who don’t really make us happy and your relationship becomes a job instead of an instinct, there are certain key things that I do in my relationships and it works for me, however it might not work for you. Because I work in the Entertainment industry to maintain the years in my relationship I do the following:
1- I don’t date anyone in the entertainment sector
2- We are Not friends on Facebook
3- I never change my relationship status on Facebook
4- We don’t follow each other on twitter and we never mention each other either
5- We don’t go to popular parties together, our “We time” is never spent in too public of a situation
Those are my top 5 tips as it relates to my relationships and it has worked great thus far.
In a Man and Woman relationship its about team work and supporting each other, if I organize a bake sale in the middle of halfway tree my boyfriend will be there collecting the money while I share the cake, we always ask each other about work or projects we’re working on. I never feel like I have to please him or stroke his ego, its like my best friend and I are hanging out all the time.
But ridding your life of Toxins doesn’t start with reading a blog, it comes with experience and growing up and realizing after a while that one thing doesn’t make you happy and maybe you should try another. There are a lot of sad people in this world but with a little love and positive thinking and supportive people who influence you to do better, for every sad person then you can trust there is five (5) happy people.
“Nothing can stop a man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; Nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude” Thomas Jefferson
xoxoxo Love always Lauren O Lauren
For some people you won’t be enough, for others you will be too much the important thing is being right for yourself.
Tell Mama I’ll be home Late…
25 years baby love, I’ve been walking this earth screaming and kicking my way around for 25 years, We had breakfast this morning across from us was a couple who were probably married for a couple of years, The man never looked at his wife he sat diagonal in his chair and never said anything to her, she sat looking at everything with eyes that looked like they cry every night every now and again she said something to him and he looked at her, nodded and then continued looking into oblivion. Then there was another couple young and obviously in some sort of love, they were babbling to each other in French I was so annoyed and irritated at the fact that I couldn’t understand what they were saying that I was tempted to get up and tell them how rude it was to speak a foreign language in public.
Thats when I realized I haven’t changed that much, Sometimes people change and the world stays the same, sometimes the world changes and people stay the same and thats why it all seems a mess we never seem to sync the whole thing together. This Weekend I turned 25 and it couldn’t have happened on a better day my birthday fell on a saturday so started celebrating on the friday and caught 25 at midnight, I’m gonna completely leave out the bit where I wake up at 4am in the morning throw up that fucking Mcdonald’s I knew I didn’t want but ate anyway. I had an amazing birthday I wore a tiara made from crystals and spent half a day at the Spa.
Night of my birthday I emptied my purse and re organized it, threw away old receipts and broken eyeliners, known as the life of the party yet last night and the pass few weeks when someone says Club or Party I pretend not to feel well, when I do go out by 2am i wanna be in bed, did some shopping on Oxford Circus and I didn’t buy anything black or grey, The Change had already begun.
Gossip doesn’t seem to interest me half enough unless I can get the person on my show and interview them about it, Im looking for that big “Turn Over” bitches unless you can get me a copy of that tape, or this pictures or the accused will agree to an interview on my show I’m not interested in that shit, Im running outta time I gotta make an impact on this earth and I need to do that in this life time, sitting around talking shit with people aint gonna cut it for me, anymore.
I know I’m rambling on, but I hope you can pick a few lessons out of what I’m saying, Don’t ever apologize for the choices you make, Everyone is allowed to make mistakes and the younger you are the more mistakes you can make, as we get older it is our right as growing adults to leave more and more of it behind. By now I would have written a long list of new years resolutions that even I know would be impossible to attain, I didn’t write one this year and I got more done by accident than I could imagine, my new rule never make a to do list that’s more than a week! It’s easier to live today than it is to live tomorrow, tomorrow isn’t here yet.
If you had a life changing experience or something you wanna tell me thats inspiring go ahead an email me “Lolshow1@yahoo.com, and remember I want your comments and recommendations on my dam show!!!
xoxoxo Lauren O Lauren
The Secret to Happiness REVEALED
I have found the secret to Happiness and you’re not gonna believe how achievable it is, are you ready?
The secret to true Happiness is the ability to see beyond that which makes you unhappy, and knowing that you are on your way to something better. Not just believing it but knowing it
HAve an awesome day everyone.
xoxoxoxoxo Lauren O Lauren
Is Jamaica ready for Change
We are a nation of warm no problem people, at least thats what the Sandals adverts on American Cable tv let everyone believe including us some how, and warm hearted we are, life in Jamaica is laid back, everyone is always late, shops close early because everyone has to make it home in time for Dinner, and there is without a doubt a rum bar at the end of every street corner and at no time at all are any of them empty, Jamaican’s can hold their liquor and if it wasn’t for cable tv all these drunk driving accidents probably would have never happened.
Red Stripe Launched a new Marketing Campaign to sell more “BEER” using a life size Bear by the name of “Red”, the campaign with in it self was genius I love Drama when in doubt create controversy, tune ups could be made to the execution so as to maximize the entire effect, somewhere Red the bear got stuck in the middle of not being simple enough and not being complicated enough to generate a massive buzz. Red the bear though he means well for Beer, is just not a relatable character yet, of course we still don’t know him well enough so he could become very relatable, very soon.
Is Jamaica ready for change Redstripe? you should know you are our Jamaican beer and have stayed authentic up until the point where you sold out to the German company but thats not the point, the point is you are one of us.
Many Jamaican’s thought they were using the “BEAR” because it sounds like “BEER” when you say it. This is what I got from the campaign, my own personal fucked up interpretation is this, Bear’s steal things, if you have a cabin in the woods in a country that has bears they might break in, for example those of us who watched YOGI BEAR growing up (a lot of people did not get that key factor). Yes there are no bears in Jamaica but that’s why Red came all the way here because the beer is so amazing he had to leave his home in the woods some where not close to shore and come steal this magnificent beer and mix and mingle with the locals, it’s every animals dream to be a human and the best kind of human to be is a Jamaican cuz we have Dancehall, Vybz Kartel and The fastest man alive.
Is the campaign a bad idea, will it work? as DJ NICCO disc jockey and radio personality said yesterday on twitter; “@DjNicco876: Budweiser used 3 frogs, geico use a salamander, taco bell used a dog… U ppl are over analyzing. Just laugh and move on with ur lives. LOL”
Red Stripe isn’t the first to use a BEAR to get the message across;
Bud lite bear has also used a Bear
Im looking forward to going clubbing with Red, as a woman who drinks Red Stripe lite to sober up and because it has less calories and keeps me cool at a beach party, I’m looking for Red Stripe to get some added buzz out of this campaign.
xoxo Lauren O Lauren
We are Satisfied, just look around you
I haven’t written a blog in a while, I’ve been a little distracted. But during my distraction I have learnt something very Important, i complain a lot about all kinds of stupid shit but I learn something every time I come home, or I talk to my cousin or my sister does something I didn’t expect her to do, or a friend of mine surprises me with a good deed.
“It is what it is, and it isn’t that bad” I can live with the decisions i’ve made I can grow from the mistakes i’ve made and I’m not chained to the people that make me unhappy, and if the situation is unfulfilling no written or unwritten contract can keep me in it. This world is a man made Manifesto, but it is God’s creation and quite frankly none of these fools running around balling and whatever can’t come close to the man who created Adam and Eve, not to get all religious on you, but you catch my drift.
I am satisfied, yea I complain but only because it’s apart of my personality, my life isn’t half bad, and neither is yours, look around you, there are so many other people who should be unhappy but we get fooled by the things we think they have and the life we think they’re living and the cars we see them driving. They are miserable because a lot of them are living in the shadows of who they really are, because they created a reputation and have to live with it or they have people who tell them who to be.
I’m satisfied my family is fucked up but they’re the greatest fuck ups I’ve ever met, if i’m ever in a situation I know I can call one of my sisters, or my mom or one of the other complaining members of my chaotic family, so all the other petty problems i’m having with the external, totally controllable factors in my life, is neither here nor there…….
….. “it is what it is, and it isn’t that bad”
xoxoxoxoxo Lauren O Lauren
The boys that glitter aren’t gold!!!!!
(PS I wrote this on my iPad and using word fess on here is funny tons of mistakes are in here that I can’t correct)
I’ve been caught up with a ton of stuff you’ll see soon!!!
However my sears I can tell you that although I sleep in every day, drink way too much in private and is loosing sight in my left eye at a rapid pace, I am more awake than I have ever been in my whole life, as I walked to the ATM machine this morning a very nice silver two door car windows down and music blaring shot past me at such a speed that it tangled my fucking weave!!! Not to worry I’m wearing remi so it quickly untangled and got back to its luxurious self. The point is the person driving shirtless, tanned and handsome was not the owner of the car!!! The owner of the
car would never drive it at the speed and the tinted windows would never be down. I have a name for men who front with other people’s things, I findly call them “Jenny’s” coming from the French word “Jermain” spelt with a J or G respectively. However this blog is not about the Jenny’s of the world, it’s about us girls and how we allow ourselves to be well not taken serious.
I was in the country this past weekend at stage show of some sort, and u started talking to this man purely by accident and in the heat of the noment, some one I would not talk to on a regular day, he doesn’t look like David Beckham, he doesn’t even travel to let Alone be a foreigner, hes a taxi driver, but for the whole night he kept offering me drinks, asking me what I like, my hand was never empty, even volunteered to drive me back to all the way to Kingston if I wanted to go to the beach! The irony is a man like that would give me anything my heart desires as long as he could afford it, he would live to make me happy, he wouldn’t sleep soundly if he knew some one made me unhappy. But I would never date a man like that, he doesn’t fit into my plastic world, and my plastic friends wouldn’t be nice to him, the plastic places I go wouldn’t let him in, because he only wears T shirts. All women are guilty of something like this we shun the men who would really love us for these glittery men. According to a study done last year, entrepreneurs and seemingly rich men are less likely to give women money or gifts because they use their names to date you and think you should be privileged to date them because they’re rich and they jbow you’ll stick around because you’re hoping he will choose you and maybe marry you or some dumb fairy tale like that. When the men who don’t have much are said to have bigger hearts, why is it that I want to settle for a guy who only looks good on paper and take great side shots shoe looks good in all his pictures?
People always say you shouldn’t settle, but it really all depends on the circumstances. There is this specific guy in my life, let’s call him a fucking mistake!!! While talking to this fucking mistake he says to me he would be going to the country for “Sumfest weekend” ( a big music festival type thing we have yearly, the biggest reggae show on earth) I told him, don’t ask me if I’m going you’re going why don’t you take me with you. The Fucking mistake responds by saying “I’ll be working, I can’t take you with me”
Fair enough, however he went last year and brought his girlfriend, will he be busier this year than he was last year? certainly not, but I was not important to this man, he valued me just the same as he would have valued a heart shape leaf, a really cool find but if he lost it, it would still be just a fucking leaf.
Then there I was in a bar, when this guy I knew was fooling around or whispering sweet something’s to a girl I know, hanging out for the long weekend with some say his girlfriend, some one else said that the girl was not. I think it’s his girlfriend because he’s an asshole not a womanizer he wont take a girl out who is not his girlfriend unless he’s in a foreign country.
That’s when it hit me!! Soon I was gonna be 25 and I will have no excuse for making certain mistakes, I should have learnt from all my mistakes already, I’m a great girl, I’m honest, I listen, I spend hundreds of dollars on Agent Provocateur lingerie, why am I these things to happen? So no I’m not gonna be his side chick, I refuse to be cool anymore, I hope one day some of you girls wake up and realize you’re worth more than a few dollars, and for some pussy who’s too scared to tell his wife he doesn’t love her, to tell you in private how great you are, if he can’t bring you out and public and tell his family about you then why would you even bother, let go of that negativity, somebody is waiting to love you I promise.
Xoxoxoxox Lauren o Lauren, eyes wide open ladies stay awake. #TEAMNOSLEEP #pow
raise your glasses to another dead asshole
Alll Good things MUST come to an end.
<<<<<======== Listen to that song.
A lot of you forget that you at the liberty of “Time” and that it doesn’t wait on you it never stops. Babies don’t creep forever, women don’t stay beautiful forever, Men don’t get erections forever and so on and so on. The most we can do is capitalize on the time that we have now and make the most out of the opportunity we are given at any given moment you could loose that window and another person is shining in your seat.
How then do we ensure longevity? we create positive, reasonable lasting impressions. When I say Positive I dnt mean doing good deeds and taking pictures with children who have only 9 months to live. Positive in this case has its own meaning and i’m not going to go into detail and explain that I want you to come up with your own variation of “Positive”.
I believe that “People” are one of our greatest resources, in all things, so at all times we should have “People” in our thoughts you see where I’m going with this, as long as we remember “People” there’s really not many mistakes we can make. I’m saying you should live for “People” I’m saying you should make this great resource work for you, many before you have. All these successful people in some way have made “People” work for them as a valuable resource and you should too, find it, tap into and use it.
One of the many habits of unsuccessful people is buying into the theory that they are number one, and nothing can replace them. Wrong everything is replaceable, now more that ever, I didn’t like the hair I was born with I replaced with custom made 300 hundred dollar sew ins, I don’t like my breast , I replace them with silicone and over priced water bras! We see something, we don’t like it, we just replace it. Don’t ever think that you cannot be replaced, don’t get caught up with being number one because you won’t be there forever and you may have a hard time adjusting to the number two or number three position thats all.
kiss kiss my little poppets!
My fucking period is evolving as much as me.
First of all let me start by saying this is my blog and I talk about whatever I want and I feel like talking about my period.
My body is evolving and its confusing me, I’m 24 yrs old and I’m going through puberty again, I used to always hear women talk about PMS and how it does this to them and blah, blah but I hadn’t actually experienced it for about a year now, I can literally feel my body changing 7 days before my period is expected my breast get visibly bigger (my favorite part by the way) and my nipples get almost unbearably painful.
I’ve also realized that I lose my temper right before my period and during, I’m ready to go off on anybody who thinks they know better than me. But the most unbelievable discovery of all was early last year, when my partner at the time left for a long time and I wasn’t having frequent sex anymore when my period came my cramps were soooo unbearable I had to stay home the first day and not go anywhere, I would be sooo drugged up that I wouldn’t respond to my own phone ringing, I’m back to normal now and the cramps have stabilized. But this amazing discovery made me research further. Turns out when you’re in a relationship or having frequent sex the female body prepares itself unconsciously for baby making. You’re period will get lighter and shorter, but when the body becomes aware that you are no longer having much sex it goes back to chaos and misery.
My last discovery came this morning when I couldn’t get out of bed I was sooo tired and I get really thirsty, so I guess it’s safe to say my period is at a time where it’s kind of telling my body to have babies or I’ll get worst. I’m sorry body you’ll have to get worst! I have access to every drug ever made, prescription or no prescription. When your moms a pharmacist and you date a guy who manages the pharmacy department of the biggest chain of drug stores in the US, psssshhh drugs are like candy I can buy it anywhere!
xoxoxoxoxoxox Lauren
I’m moody, I hate the color orange & I curse like a sailor
For a long time I thought a lot of things were wrong with me, I thought I had all these flaws that needed fixing and I was lucky if I found a guy who would put up with me. Can I tell you dumbest thing I’ve ever said, (except the time I thought sheep laid eggs, but that’s a different story and that’s not the point. anyways)
Every woman should embrace themselves and love everything about you, or your insecurities will become weapons against you. How many of you have married male friends, and you wonder, “Why the hell did he marry her, she’s such a bitch”. My own brother I love him to death, but he can’t buy shoes unless he gets his wife’s permission and I can barely stay over when I visit New York unless it’s ok with her, and he married her.
My friend told me this week if he went to country on anything but business his girlfriend would know because she would call his friends. Then I thought I’m not that bad? I’m very personal even in my relationships, I like to remain an individual at all cost, to the point where my boyfriend and I have two of everything, two IPADS, Two Lap tops, 2 ipods, 2 of every dam thing we use we share nothing but our time we never share a bill (lol).
So what if we’re hard to deal with sometimes, I promise you there’s a man out there waiting to make you his burden, don’t settle for an ok guy, or a guy who won’t realize you just bought super expensive underwear for him to take off, because I promise there is someone out there who will notice. Don’t think you aren’t the marrying type because we’ve all met married women and wondered which poor soul is married to them.
I’ve also said this before it’s not about the sex, because men don’t have sex with their wives, it’s not about wearing your “fuck me” heels because married women wear kitten heels and flats everywhere. (literally laughing my ass off at this point).
This is not a blog to bask married women or the pussy’s married to them. (now rolling around on the floor)
This is for the women still searching, and the women doubting themselves because they think they’re hard to love, you’re not hard to love and when you find the right man you’ll be happy that all your past relationships didn’t work. Would you wanna be with a man for the rest of your life who told you you’re breast were too small? or that you talk to loud? nope you wanna date someone who sends you a dozen roses by 8am on valentines day!!!!!
xoxoxoxoxo Lauren O Lauren,
Stop waiting for him to love you, find someone who will
Several Bad habits of Successful people.
This blog is aimed at the fans of “The Market” on facebook, theres a link to it right here.
The Market
Promote Your Page Too
(1) We buy into the image we sell others
I’m going to go ahead and speak of , or better speak on what I have observed, a lot of successful businesses or companies get comfortable after awhile they get complacent.
They have the market and in this moment they feel like “Superman” nothing can stop them, but just like superman you will defeat this villain and trust me out of no where another one will appear. It’s like me and boyfriends, after awhile I get complacent and then we break up and I wanna walk into a truck, never out rule competition always have back up plan. (I always have a back up man)
We’re telling our costumers or our managers that we are the best ones for the job, no one else can get it done, and we start to buy the bullshit we sell others, our ego’s get the better of us and instead of working hard and getting the job done, we’re hiring makeup artist and making sure we look picture perfect at our next public function. As long as you remember with all things: you can be replaced, do not dwell on your created “God like” presence.
People are fickle and you may have their attention now, but as soon as something better comes, it doesn’t even have to be better, the right timing seems to be more important right now than the right product, so never forget to always keep the wheel turning and listen to your costumers, even the ones you don’t have they could sometimes have the most powerful insight.
We hire people we like.
Hiring people that don’t annoy you may not be a bad idea, but where business is concerned sometimes we have to take the personal out of it.
A lot of friends go into business together and later realize that maybe they should have just remained friends.
One of the best business decisions I have ever had the opportunity of making was teaming up with someone who hated me ( and I hated just as equally), to the point where this person was trying to sue me. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. People have this notion that to work with someone you have to like them, you don’t have to like anyone you work with, because you don’t go home to them.
I don’t have to come to work and smile with you every day and kiss your ass to be a good employee, I need to do my assignments properly and finish them on time and not abuse company policies.
We believe the Company owes us.
You were hired to do a job and you did it, but for some strange reason you think you deserve a trophy. We’re all guilty of that, and it is in a company’s best interest to support “Goal Congruence” and uplift the spirit of their employees and make them feel like they’ve gone beyond the call of duty and it was appreciated.
Bonuses and staff trips are just at the courtesy of the employer, you aren’t really entitled to it.
xoxoxoxo Lauren O Lauren
There’s never anything you can say, that will be more than you can do.
I had just returned from an amazing weekend on Boston and I was walking around my room complaining about the fact that I had to leave a suitcase because I was overweight, when an old friend from High school called. I answered the phone and I was beyond annoyed because she was always calling about something dumb, when I heard her blurred voice on the other end of my cell phone say her mother died, suddenly all the little petty problems I had seemed so stupid. I didn’t know what to say, I couldn’t even say sorry, all I could say was “oh shit” even when she hung up in tears saying she’d call me back, I still hadn’t said anything that was worthy of a friend.
What do you say to some one who lost the most important person in their life, what do you say to a grieving person. You don’t have to say anything, let them know that no matter what you will always be there, showing support sometimes, just means being present when your name is called. When my mom was attacked and stabbed she was one of the few friends who called and went to visit my mom at home.
So i’m taking a few days from my partying and dressing up and going to visit her at home, I wont say much, lets face it I talk too much, I ‘ll just listen. I’m learning to be better to people and learning how to handle delicate situations with a tighter yet, softer grip.
Im not a preacher, God didn’t give me a message, i’m just one girl sharing my experiences with the world wide web.
xxoxox Lauren O Lauren, sometimes words aren’t enough.
Boys, friends and everything that falls in the bubble
Blessed I am blessed and I embody happiness, I think positive and i’m trying to inspire the world around me. But every now and again I get caught up in the bubble, the bubble is not a bad place to be it’s kind of like an antidepressant when you step out of the bubble you realize how awful it is.
Boys are great and when you meet one, your world spirals into multicolor techno patterns, that makes you smile when you should be paying attention. But don’t overlook important things, always look for the man, then wait for the gentleman to present himself. A man will take the bill and a gentleman will offer you and all your friends a drink if your out together. Not saying he should date all of you, but if you’re out with your friends he shouldn’t segregate you from your friends< i have to lift my hat to my ex, he was such a people person, if you met him you love him. He never mind taking the bill if me and my friends went for lunch and he came and saw us and only ordered a soda. When you just start dating some one be keen to their spending habits, when you're a couple you inherit each other's debt. I'm old fashioned I like to be spoiled and I like when men spend money on me because I believe that's the way it's suppose to be. A guy who refuses to pay for his own drinks, won't pay for yours.
Friends don't get caught up with people who look good beside you in pictures, Don’t be fooled by the bubble, bubbles don't last girls who gossip all the time about other people probably gossip about you, try to stay around people who are doing something with their lives and when you talk you talk about growing and developing. I say it all the time my friends from Prep school the ones I still speak to now, I cant see them out of my life. No matter what I'm doing I know one person will be on the bleachers wearing a cheerleading skirt screaming "Go Lauren" Thanks Jody for always having my back, through out all these years, you've watched me gone through so many boyfriends, and cliques but for some strange reason you stick around and you always support the stupid shit I do!
We all have to learn our own lessons I believe in self taught, as long as you promise to grow, then I will allow you to waste time in the hall way.
I know my blogs have gotten super boring because, I'm growing and i'm at a different place right now. so i'll end this blog with a sexy picture of myself to keep it spicy.
Whatever you can think, you can also think of a way to achieve it.
xoxoxo Lauren O Lauren this year is your year, grow, shine and become
I swear to tell the whole fucking truth
December 31st 2010, you know I couldn’t allow the clock to strike midnight without updating my loyal readers on the things I plan to do in the new year and share my knowledge of bad experiences with you.
First of all special shout outs to all The PACHA Massive and by that I mean everyone who attended and showed support for what Happened in Fiction Lounge December 28th, we loved the love.
What an awesome year this has been for me personally, I’m so happy I could die, I’m not even being funny. I wish I could get some years off me and be 19 again but being young comes with the heavy price of being dumb. I have found a new personal motto “Ask for what you want, and you will get it” with one rule behind it “expect nothing and get everything” I would be an awful person if I didn’t explain how it works to you.
Sometimes you find yourself in certain situations and you can not, I mean cannot see the positive or even find a way out depression happens to everyone and it is a very real mental disorder that can last for days, weeks, months and most person struggle with it for life and use medication to control it. There is no cure for it and no real explanation as to what really causes it.
A couple of years ago I read a book called “Why your life sucks” by Alan H Cohen, then last September my room-mate gave me the “Secret” I was trying to avoid that book for a while because I thought it was very cliché. However I read it and everything came together and suddenly it wasn’t a secret anymore, ask for what you want from whomever you think has it, make a plan to get it, don’t put your life on pause for it and it will be yours.
I used to tell some one “You will get everything you wish for babe, just wait” at the time I was probably just rambling, but in a sick kind of way it was a foresight into the future events of my life. I told God I need a man who works a 9-5, was career driven, had no friends and who adored every flaw on my body and this man walked right into my life and all my friends love him.
If you don’t know what you want you will not get it, if you do not know who you are the things you want will not be able to find you. Life isn’t always fair, but without a doubt life can be enjoyed and the things we want can be achieved> I don’t want to sound cliché or repetitive but when I look back on my lives experiences and look at myself today I laugh, cry and confuse myself all at once. A week ago I got food poisoned and I remember while eating the food that made me sick, I felt it, I knew before I ate it that something bad was going to happen to me, life is like that. You always know the man you’re marrying is not good for you, you always knew that girl was using you, and you knew from day one that Don’t ignore the small signs.
Believe it or not your gut tells you, listen to it, trust yourself.
For the new year let’s try being nicer to each other, let’s try being nicer to ourselves first.
I am Lauren O Lauren and this has been a great fucking Year #POW
Raped by my own system
If you follow me on twitter you would have heard first hand about the beautiful day i’ve been having, A friend of mine decided to surprise me and send me a box of ummm must have’s I suppose, an Ipod Docking station US$60, a Chi Flat Iron (free), a pair of glittered 6 inch pumps from Steve Madden and V-Necks from Hanes US$5. In total the form that my UPS agent dropped off to me this morning after telling me that customs detained my box was US$170.
I went to the airport where customs is located and after opening my box, the customs supervisor on duty, went to his office and googled the cost of the products, took the highest prices found online and charged me %100 duty on all my pieces. There was even a birthday card on top of all my goodies to prove that it was just an innocent birthday present, im not a higgler or a hustler, after I was told how much I was expected to pay, i immediately started crying because I couldn’t believe I was going to pay US$400 for a box of stuff valued at $US170, that I was receiving as birthday present. It dawned on me that I was buying my belongings that were already paid for back from the government, why?
I thought about the scenarios in two ways;
Scenario 1
I’m have a store and I ship things in, I buy the product for $170, then I ship it for $350, then when it gets to Jamaica customs charge me $400, that’s already $920. Now once I put it in my store I have to tax it again Gct, blah, blah plus I have to charge you for rent, light, my staff etcetera so add all that together and you the consumer will now pay Jamaican one million dollars for something that once cost $170, it makes it hard to live here doesn’t it, you can’t even blame those stores when you go in them and see the cheap pieces you can buy in Forever 21 for $10 because the Jamaican customs are telling you how much they think you paid for it because it looks expensive ( they don’t travel)
Scenario 2
I’m a broke ass, underpaid government worker who got that box and I can’t afford the US$400 tariff. Do you know what happens then, it stays at Costums as opposed to going back to the sender.
You have to write a letter asking for it to be sent back to the sender, the letter may more than likely be denied, because it has to be approved.
What will happen according to the customs officer who I spoke to on the phone is, your belongings will go up in an auction, auctioned off to guess who??? The Custom officers of Jamaica land we love.
So if you can’t afford to pick up your belongings, more than likely you wont be able to write a letter because you have to hand deliver the letter to “The Collector of customs, New Port East, Kgn 15” not many people know that, come on we’ve never been the country that provides it citizens with information. So consider your belongings on the supervisors girlfriends feet.
Don’t get me wrong the money isn’t really the problem, my problem is how the government makes my lively hood their cash cow, I wouldn’t mind if my garbage truck came once a week as opposed to once a month like a period. I would feel better if Government pharmacies had more than Asprin and DPH in em, better roads, a better contribution to tertiary level education, a better health system and if Kern told me what he did with the lightbulbs I wouldn’t mind paying 100% tax on my stuff.
But you want to rape me of everything and give me nothing in return, I will not stop until I have changed that rule where Customs auction off people’s belongings, This is my Jamaica and I set the rules. If persons can’t afford to pick up their belongings it should be sent back to the sender. Who ever made the rule for it to be auctioned off is a hungry belly unethical, non-moral mother fucker.
xoxoxox lauren O Lauren
The eve of, this my 24th year.
The number 24, is the smallest number with exactly eight divisors, it even has a religious meaning,In christian apocalyptic literature it represents the complete Church, being the sum of the 12 tribes of israel and the 12 Apostles of the Lamb. Pretty deep huh.
once read that “age is a high price to pay for maturity” but is it really, is it really the numbers on our birth certificates that bother us,
John Glenn said “there is still no cure for the common birthday” Most times birthdays aren’t really welcomed with open arms, i love my birthday and I always have, it’s one of the happiest times of my life and thus far, every birthday has had great meaning for me, good things always happen for me this time of year.
Every year I make a list of the people who are around me at the start of the year and the end of the year, I’ve been making that list for 4 years now, its never quite the same list, but I don’t get sad about it, because some people only come into your life to show you a path, they won’t necessarily walk the road with you as long as you understand that you’re fine.
This year has been an amazing year for me i’de be an ungrateful bitch I said it wasn’t, to the friends who never made it with me till this day I won’t scatter roses and I won’t carry a grudge, because the universe has been too good to me. I feel like I’m the luckiest girl alive, even when I think the world has ended and i just wanna die POW something amazing happens and I’m like that God that failed. To the new friends I’m carrying over to the new year with me, we’re gonna have sooo much fun as long as you know that after 5pm on any given day I could be drunk so don’t believe a word I say and never attempt to call me before 11am are you fucking crazy!
At 24 I feel I’m really ready to do things a little bit different, I’m finding my groove in more ways than one, Ps All the men who think that they fucked me “tsk, tsk, tsk” I’m learning new things about my body I didn’t even know could happen as Timberlee said “when me buss dis yah wine yah, wifey get leff” hahahahahahahaha
Enough about sex, I think it’s safe to say I’ve had enough experiences, learnt a few lessons and I’m now on the path to put some of that into actual play, when my friend Lorenzo died May of this year, it made me realize that it isn’t about the Good, the Bad or any of the above and it never was, why do we humans think this is about us. This is a small piece of a bigger puzzle and death isn’t necessarily the end, but perhaps a new beginning (ps don’t go killing yourself now, it’s after 5pm I could be drunk while I’m typing this).
However if you must know my dear I am not bitter, but neither do I wish you well, I am not saying I found the answer but I believe I understand the question. I will love another day, I will make more mistakes, I will cry again, laugh even harder this time, I will get another year older and I’m going to love every minute of it.
I DEDICATE THIS BLOG TO MY DEAREST FRIEND LORENZO, WHO WOULD HAVE TURNED 24 NOVEMBER 28TH BUT DIED BEFORE IT CAME, I DUNNO IF HE’S LUCKY TO STAY 23 OR UNLUCKY TO NEVER SEE 24. I NEVER CRIED IN MAY AND IT’S DECEMBER NOW BUT IM CRYING, I WAS 2 MONTHS PREMATURE, YET FOR SOME STRANGE REASON I’M LATE FOR EVERYTHING.
xoxoxoxoxoxo LaurenOLauren
Its lonely at the Top, but many of us are cluster-phobic
Very interesting observation I made the other day, actually I prefer the term “Famous” as opposed to interesting. Went to a party with my girlfriends and saw an acquaintance of all of ours, went over said “HI” and of course I threw in a bunch of my spot on humor, I get very funny around rich people. So I noticed he wasn’t trying to excuse himself to go anywhere and no one was coming over to him so I said “Who did you come here with” and he responded by saying I came alone, when he said that it hit me like that time somebody tricked me and said David Beckham was in Kingston (can I tell you I never wanted to be on the road so much until that day)
Some of the most successful people, don’t have friends, well let me rephrase that I don’t see them with much associates, unless they are in a meeting, visiting a site, at a social gathering deep in conversation, they are always ALONE. I could call 10 names of seemingly successful people around town and you go ahead and tell me who you always see them out with? Let me tell you who you’ll see them with if you see them out with anybody, you will see them with their spouses or you’ll see them floating around the room from group to group saying HI to some of their colleagues, or you will see them in a designated corner.
The top is a lonely place to be, it’s no fun when you worked really hard and now you can afford everything and all your friends can’t!
But it does make you wanna look over the edge and tilt your shades and scream down below, “Ahah that’s right motherfuckers you loose” ahahahahahaha, actually that’s what I plan to do, so just ignore that line.
My over all point here my precious babies is that, Success is a personal goal, it’s not a group effort and it’s not a club or sorority, and the people who work hard and achieve are gonna realize a lot of their “Homies”, “Niggaz” or “Duddettes” won’t be able to relate, and keeping some of them around will stifle the growth process.
When I googled images for lonely rich/successful people these are the pictures I saw:
The boxer that ate the guy's ear
George Clooney
Barrack Obama
The black guy who didn't wanna be black, so he invented a race!
hahahah, How did this get in there must have been a mistake! haha
xoxoxoxo Lauren O Lauren, Dear God please make me lonely and rich.
Let me tell you a story,
I can’t understand my obsession with Buddhism, I don’t even know how I got introduced to it, I never dated a guy that was religious, except if you count the seventh day Adventist I dated for almost 2 years and the moron who kept an open bible beside his bed.
Even though a lot of the parables are fiction, the moral and the lesson they teach are Facts. I’m going to share one about the bird house builder;
“There was a bird house builder who dreamed of being a great carpenter, his dream was to build great mansions of-intricate and beautiful detail, he would admire great Carpenters and their work and was always amazed and in awe, but his fear of failure or being laughed at if he produced failed works kept him from ever attempting to any of the things he so desired. The man continued to build bird houses and build great mansions in his dreams.
One day a con man came into town, he was boasting and bragging about all the things he had, and what he wanted to do to the small town,he boasted about the big mansion he was going to build that would remind him of the city where he was from. He went to the man who built bird houses because he believed that asking him to build him a great mansion, that the simple bird house builder would stop and stutter and not build him a proper mansion, in the mean time he conned the people of the town.
The Builder initially refused to build this great mansion, but the Con man found a way for him to say yes. The builder spent day and night drawing the plans and then carefully building this great mansion. When the builder was done building he searched everywhere for the Con man to present him with the mansion,but he had fled the town. The builder was very upset because he had spent many sleepless nights building this mansion and now all he had, was an oversized mansion sitting in the front yard of his work shop.
But the town folks passed it and admired his work and praised him for it, they no longer saw a mere bird house builder, they saw a great Carpenter. Some traveling Priests were passing through the town and also praised his work, they took the builder with them and they paid him millions in coins to build churches all over in traveling towns. The mere builder was now a great Carpenter whose works were seen by many”
The moral of this story, everything happens in our life for a reason when something doesn’t work out the way we want it to, don’t allow it to kill your energy and try not to focusing on the negative, thanks to a lieing con man a simple builder became a Great Carpenter. Evaluate your situation it’s never half as bad as it seems.
Sometimes its had to see the silver lining behind the cloud, but if you just wait on it, it’ll shine so bright you’ll have to put shades on to see it.
xoxoxo Lauren O Lauren
From NUN to LaurenOLauren
If you went to High school with me you should have remembered me, studying for Catechism, or walking around with my rosary in my pocket and always reciting the hail Mary, I was going to be a nun at 15 yrs old and I had my mind set on it.
The thought of loosing my virginity and being in an unfulfilling relationship with a man, I saw my mom raise four kids alone and I couldn’t be bothered to try, I was ready to give up all my earthly belongings and become a nun.
Then the summer before I was suppose to go into the church, I met this pretty, much older boy, who brought me to lunch, told me I was Pretty brought me to his house and kissed me! (see why it’s important to tell your daughters that they’re pretty)
I was never kissed before, I was 15 years old, sure Father told us we were all beautiful but it wasn’t the same, not when a boy with beautiful green eyes is telling you he loves you.
No I never lost my virginity to him, and he never pressured me to have sex, I dare say my introduction into this whole relationship
was great, he treated me really, really good. He made me change my mind about becoming a nun, well not like I really had a choice after a series of unfortunate events. There’s two ways you can enter the convent as a virgin or a forgiven born again Virgin, to be forgiven you must confess of course, I didn’t confess.
I wonder what kind of nun I would have been? Can you imagine me living in a convent with lots of other holy women? My personality being stifled by righteous behavior? hahahahaha
Well you guys are Lucky Cause I’m not a nun, Im your one and only Lauren O Lauren Check out my list of Ten things I wanna do before I’m 25!
1
Cook Dog food and serve it to a guy and watch him eat it 
2
I wanna get so Drunk, I’m admitted into the hospital for Alcohol poisoning, I DO!!
3 I wanna make an unreleased sex tape!!! I wanna see how hot I am from third party lol
4 I wanna go on a cruise, ships, water, sunblock and a really small bikini, I’d love it!!!
5 Get words tattooed somewhere almost invisible on my body, I wont tell you where and I wont tell you what it’s gonna say.
6 I wanna get implants, I want bigger breasts!!!!!!!
8
I wanna have sex with a really hot celebrity!!
9 I wanna muster up the courage and go skinny dipping in a beach, or topless in Miami.
10
I wanna drastically change my hair color and adopt a “PERSONA” for a whole Month!!!
xoxoxoxox Lauren O Lauren
My Dreams are confusing me
Ok I don’t wanna get all sentimental on you guys or anything, but I’ve started sleeping again, How? well quite frankly how I’m falling asleep is none of your business just know that I am.
I know it seems like I spend my days, plotting evil things, spreading homosexual rumors, watching re runs of Will & Grace and drinking wine or getting high off different kinds of cough syrup all day, but that’s not true. I actually engage in regular everyday activities like ummmm stuff or whatever.
The thing is I keep having these odd dreams, two things you should know about me, I rarely dream, I have odd ones every now and again, but most times I have recurring dreams, if and when I do dream. When I was a little girl I used to have this dream all the time about walking on a straight white road and I had to walk very slowly because if I walked too fast, the road would crush or crumble and I would have to start all over again. *GASP, looks around room and GASPS again* That sounds a lot like my life now.
So lemme tell you about this new dream, first I dreamt that I was getting extremely turned on by myself, then in the dream I had the most amazing orgasm ever ( through masturbation of course), which is not too odd of a dream, I do like myself sexually *grins*
Now this next dream involves me and my sister packing up all our belongings and moving from our house (the house we grew up in). It’s weird because I never really have dreams with my family in it, and I’ve been having this same dream for a while, we’re packing all the time, throwing stuff in suitcases and everything, so it feels like we’re migrating and I cant help but wonder if this dream is the foresight of something to come!!
I remember distinctly packing two flat irons in this dream a thin one and a thick one, my teddy bears and a pillow and loads of clothes. hmmmmm.
I know the dream represents change and a move a big shift in my life, that much I’m aware of, but what role does my sister play in it, and why when I dream about sex I’m always having it alone. What kind of sick mind operates like that?
xoxoxoxox Lauren O Lauren the dreamer, not Martin Luther King!
Dear God could you stop doing that and pay attention to me please!
I just heard some troubling news, First one is the Gay pastor of a huge Mega Church in Atlanta is accused of having sex with several teenage boys, lavishing them with expensive gifts and cars. I don’t understand why do the Gay men get all the expensive gifts and the fucking cars? I’m not ungrateful I’m just pondering.
Then I hear about a lady whose Husband went to the Chest Hospital to do a minor surgery, he’s 31 has two kids just finished his degree, she just had a baby last December they were happy and ready to take on the world. He never woke up after they put him to sleep for the surgery! He died God, I’ve been begging you for the past two weeks! to take me but no, you take someone else who obviously wants to be alive. I’m not criticizing your work I’m just saying exactly what are you doing, are you gonna take my life when I’m happy and don’t want to die? why would you do that?
Listen if you read this blog and you’re free this week, then I can be available up until Friday. Friday is when my rent is due, if you’re gonna kill me Friday it has to be before 8am cuz by 8 my landlord would have already been parked outside waiting on her rent, what’s the point of dieing after the rent is paid?
Talk to ya later God
xoxoxox Lauren O Lauren (ps this blog is not to be taken literal it’s a private conversation between God and a subject)
A Buddhist Tale, from me to you.
My grandfather gave me a book called. “A flock of fools” some ancient Buddhist Tales of wisdom and laughter. It’s one of my favorite books and I never get tired of it. I’m gonna share a story with you about a thief, its called
THEFT OF GOLD
Many years ago in a distant land two peddlers went to the marketplace together to sell their wares. One of the peddlers brought true gold to offer, and the other sold cotton. During the day a customer interested in the gold scorched it to test its authenticity. Then he placed it back down on the table. When the cotton peddler saw him place the gold back down, he made sure no one was looking and then quickly grabbed the other’s scorched gold and wrapped it in his cotton. But the gold was still hot and it burned up the cotton wrapping. Thus, his theft was exposed and he lost both the gold and the cotton.
Now read that over a couple times, how well can you interpret that story? What is the message here?
Tomorrow I’m gonna post another story.
Xoxoxo Lauren O Lauren,
IT’S UNFAIR
whats not fair? tell me what is
Wow it seems I’ve been falling behind in my blog writing! So I thought hey that’s a thought going into the new year! I wanna talk about the business! Any kind of business, my grandfather once said “when in Rome, do like the Romans” however he also went on to say “Boundless are the ways of foolish men”, well he didn’t say that I did.
My point is many people get up and say oh I’m gonna do this different and I intend to make this happen when truth of the matter is, there’s nothing much else you can do with a pair of white jeans that’s gonna make you stand out any different from the millions wearing white jeans! I don’t care what you wanna spray on it or where you plan to cut it. Before I confuse myself, what I’m really saying is if you really really want to stand out stay away from white jeans over all and buy red. For the sake of this blog coming off like a conversation about jeans, I’ll go further into saying there are ways of this world that aren’t easily changed, maybe you aren’t the one to change it, nothing is wrong with falling in line with the other solders. Everyone has heard the story of the millions who tried to pull a sword from a rock and rule a kingdom, only one man succeeded. Life isn’t fair, but its in the unfairness of situations that one can see where the world is at a perfect balance.
Just listen for a second there is a method to my madness, I can’t remember right now who first spoke about this but I promise you it wasn’t me, “there has to be good, for bad to exist”, “there has to be rich for there to be poor” you see what I’m getting at.
Life may seem unfair on this side, but that’s just because it seems fair on the other side. We all have a destiny, some have the power or will to change there’s some of us don’t but we all have the power to let go and be happy.
Think about something that made you upset today, then think to your self would this have upset me a year ago, will it still upset me a year from now? Who defines you? Who the fuck told you that you are defined by those idle persons who just sit down and talk bad about people all day, because secretly they themselves are stuck and pissed off that they can’t pull the sword from the rock!
I tweeted this the other day, and now I’ll say it again. Not every fight was ment to be won, save your energy for the war!
Xoxox Lauren Alexander, I am originally me!
The Audacity of DEATH.
Macbeth, Act V, Sc. V
“To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,”
He spoke about death and dying Shakespeare seemed to have a lot to say about the subject, in many of his works he spoke about death almost as if Death were another person.
As humans we have learned many skills, we can do almost anything we want, however we cannot and have not been able to dismiss the audacity of death. When death arrives you cant send it back, I feel like I’m slowly developing an unhealthy obsession with the idea of death, it almost amazes me. You can live for years and own the most fabulous things the world has ever seen, but you’re going to die. Spending nights plotting against somebody you don’t like, and then one of you dies and the other follows
I can almost feel at peace knowing that this whole wide world will die, the cute baby your nestling in your arms may never grow up, I sound convincingly morbid. Why suddenly am I thinking about death? well actually I was thinking about suicide first and this came up, and before you ask I wasn’t thinking about committing suicide I was contemplating what a friend told me about some friend of hers who she thought was gonna commit suicide, thus why I ended up thinking about it.
For years Christians have told us that the after life is where we will be rewarded, but none of them want to die. The news terrifies us, telling us Death is out there and we should take steps to avoid it, reality shows and MTV cribs have glorified life, how wonderful it is if we work hard we can have all these pretty things that glisten!
But why do they forget to tell us that no matter what we’re gonna die, life is literally short.
All the things you work hard for will be left right here on earth then you’re gonna plunge into a sleep like immortality that you’ll never wake from, think of it as a forever sleep.
It leads me to say, “the audacity of Death is amazing” If some of us were like death, we would have accomplished so much more in our short lives, Death never asks our permission and it doesn’t really warn us that its on its way does it.
Empathy and Death are my new two favorite words.
I will live every day as if it where my last and I will not allow simple terra diddles and unnecessary arguments take away from the very short life I am trying to live.
lauren O lauren
Catholic Camp
I’ll never forget the Summer I went to Catholic Camp, I was young and so talented, I had found a way to get Father ( a catholic priest) to not pay for my little sister to go to Camp so I wouldn’t have my little sister behind me ugh, so I went to Catholic camp without my sister. (of course if it were today I would let her come, I love her now)
Yes that summer I Felt that God had chosen me and I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life, of course looking back now I realize that God did not choose me and I still have no idea what I want to do with my life, *sigh* Im nothing short of a total failure. Catholic camp was a lot of fun and it was the first time I ever slept in a tent, we played games got to know each other and got glow in the dark rosaries. Camp was great I learnt to properly pray with my rosary and I was singing songs and really feeling like God was the leader of my life.
By now you are wondering what am I talking about, well my dears I was getting to that. The day Before Catholic camp ended I was touring the grounds my and my new best friend who also wanted to be a nun, when we caught a boy and a girl tucked away in a corner kissing!!
I was out raged I couldn’t believe that at this holy place where we were learning about giving our minds and bodies to God there was a boy and girl here in front of us, giving there bodies to each other. So of course being the informer that I am I told every Father, and nun I could find, Yes God Dammit I told on them and I felt like a little heroine for being an informer. Later that evening we were suppose to give confession, now you would think being an informer and a person who is firm and just that I would be the first to confess, HAH!!
I spent all of confession in the bathroom hiding because I didn’t want to tell father about my addiction to Play Boy magazines, not because I liked seeing naked girls, no no not at all, But because I wanted to be in them! I wanted to be a center fold, can you believe that.
I had some how convinced myself that I during confession God was reading my mind and sending secret messages to the priest, kind of like how I told on the kissing couple.
Nobody caught me of course and till this day skipping confessions still haunt me, I dare say I have never confessed! oh dear, and the worst part is i have gotten over my dreams of being a nun but I still wanna pose for Play boy!!
xoxoxox Lauren O Lauren I wanna be the first black, B cup center fold for Playboy!
