Oh my God! All my readers and twitter followers are like “Lauren you’ve gotten so soft, we don’t even recognize you”

I wanted to do this blog for all of you ladies out there, who are broken and really hurting, and just in that phase where you HATE men, I know I’ve been there and I’m not far from there I know and if this relationship I’m in doesn’t work out I’m just gonna go Rambo on Nigga’s and just walk around with an AK47 and be popping caps in everybody with a Dick.

I don’t regret anything, if I could live my life over I would do it all the same way even with the knowledge I have now because the person I am now has so much character and strength that I don’t wanna risk loosing those qualities to save a few broken hearts and a few tears.
My last relationship ended really badly, I was really vocal about it I still am, I’m not advising anybody to take the root that I took, I wish sometimes that I didn’t flip or lose my temper that way, but the good thing is I give all my boyfriend’s an alias’ and except for the guy I’m with now I keep them out of the public light and for the most part nobody knows who they are, I try not to date famous people for that specific reason, If you’re gonna be all up in my business it’s because I told you so not because it’s out there for you to see.

My last break up was really hard on me emotionally and physically it was the firs relationship to effect my body and my mind and it wasn’t because I loved him more than the rest, it was out of Ego and pride I just honestly couldn’t believe that it was happening to me again, i was disappointed by the last person I expected it from and that was what destroyed me, not the MAN himself, but the fucking situation repeating itself. Because Trust me when you meet somebody else you are going to wonder what the hell where you doing with that person in the 1st place, I loved every minute with my Ex, Loved it would do it over a million times even the crying in my room parts, the drinking till I’m unconscious bits, all he bull shit, but I love every second with my boyfriend now and I cannot see my life without him in it and I know every relationship prepared me for this moment, I wanna get married and have kids with him, I could see him being a great father to my daughters, he has no kids I have none so it’ll be the both of ours first and we’ll share those moments together even if our daughters grow up one day to be stripper bitches with bum ass boyfriends.

So don’t think I’ve gotten soft ladies, I’m just going through another phase in my life, I find myself reacting to situations differently, My 25th birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks and right now I’m like a powerful camera just putting myself in focus, I’ll give you an example.
When my ex and I broke up and months passed and I would wonder to myself why hasn’t he tried to contact me, or even apologize, he really hurt me you would think he would man up and say “Yo I’m sorry, I know i really hurt you” and when I did hear from him he sent me a message over two months ago and I say his name on my phone and i wasn’t even interested to read it, i read it a week after I got it and when i read it I was just like, I wish this dumb motherfucker didn’t even contact me, I wish he had just let me be and I just kept it moving, he didn’t even deserve a response from me cause he was just and still is a stupid motherfucker with no back bone and If i saw him tomorrow it hit me that I wouldn’t even remember what he looks like.

So ladies that’s my story I hope you can piece it together and make sense of it and hope I inspired you, don’t worry about the Loves you’ll lose, think about the love you haven’t found yet that is willing to return love to you.

xoxoxo Lauren O Lauren

PS I’m on Tumblr again, I will be posting Picture and fun Videos so log on!!!

http://thelolshow.tumblr.com/

Good Tidings I bring in the form of print, pattern, lavish fabrics and extravagant cuts. I’m giving my style a shot of syrup and making it a bit sweeter for the christmas season and my ever-growing great mood!

I have slowly been transforming my closet and my style as well as my 25th birthday is coming up so I do think it’s time for a small change. I recently purchased a sequined blazer, more floral shorts and tribal print pants embellished with feathers, oh how I love them I just bought them this weekend. I thought I’d share with you the direction my closet is going, I’m moving from erotic porn star to cute and pink with a splash of animation. I’m going to use some pictures to show you pieces I’m crushing on and why.

Mickey Mouse isn’t my favorite cartoon character but he is a character that I certainly do adore and he happens to be big this season in the area of fashion, and I love the very out of the way shock of wearing cartoon characters on your legs, certainly a must for the christmas season.

Sequins and Rhinestones everywhere, is a Got To Have, make sure you invest in a piece that is covered in them, that will make you look completely dressed up even if you aren’t wearing any make up and your weave is tangling. I’m such a sucker for sequins and I never used to like them, I was just having this conversation this past weakened how horrible we thought they were but this is a piece that will be around for a while and if it goes away will certainly come back.

Tribal print and out of the box pieces that you think you may never wear but suddenly you find somewhere you can wear it too. I urge you to invest in loud pieces that have nothing to do with you, something that is so not you, that when you wear it your friends don’t recognize you.

Loose dresses that look innocent and sweet and gives the impression that your a nice decent girl who no one would suspect is a freak underneath it all, (Insert Grin here) I love my tight little numbers but lately I’ve been feeling very responsible, and it’s a good look every now and again ladies.

Don’t forget the Professional inside of you, even if you don’t have a day job I have been having a dirty little love affair with blazers and I think apart from the everyday black and white you need an odd out of the box color in your closet just something to ignite the fire within you or at least get the haters staring. I own seven (7) blazers at the moment and I intend to own at least 3 more before the end of the year, I’ve been feeling very Blazer like hahahah. The loose shirts are nice for days out.

On top of all that I’m obsessed with Hello Kitty and glitter a bit immature but I have always been the ultimate girly girl, my boyfriend says i’m a child but confesses I’m his little princess, lol.

I hope you guys enjoyed this post and go ahead and comment and share some style revolutions of your own I LOVE LOOKING INTO OTHER PEOPLE’S CLOSET, feel like I get to know you a little bit more.

Hugs and Kisses and zebra Print dreams when you sleep,

Lauren o Lauren.

Hello everyone, How are we today, As I sit here burning my incense stick and drinking my sugarless green tea, all is one with the world my breast are even starting to look bigger than they’ve ever looked before and yes before the day ends I will loose my temper and go off at several people, but at this very moment I am quite content.

Whenever I meet people who admit to reading my blog, I’m always so humbled and sort of Honored because it isn’t a specific person who reads my blog it’s all kinds of people. So let me take this moment to say How Much I appreciate you for taking time out of your day to read my inner most thoughts, that even I admit aren’t always sensible or right. Thank you.

I want to talk about this current moment in my life, When I was younger even though the typical things young girls usually want in men never seemed to appeal to me, I did make some mistakes and looking back I think it had a lot to do with my self esteem. I would date guys who I thought were very good looking but just assholes all around and I would put up with them because I thought I was lucky to be with them and not vice versa, because I didn’t think that I had much to offer or that I was very pretty or whatever it was men looked for in women and then I started to date really older men not just because they were loaded but because I was a young girl and to them I was amazing.
I have suffered from Serious heart break, depression, and just being very paranoid about my friends and the people around me but as you get older as i’m getting right now a lot of things change your priorities change my priorities have changed. The things that I used to find fun just don’t do it for me anymore, I felt like for so many years I was holding my breath and now I have exhaled I can be myself, not like I’m one to be anybody else but you know.

When I look for a man now his face is the last thing I look at, I wanna know:

“Do you owe anybody any money”?
“Do you have any kids, baby mothers’?
“Does your best friend live in your house”?

You know shit like that, that could one day turn into deal breakers. I went to an event this past weekend with my boyfriend and he introduced me to his friends and co workers as “My girlfriend” nobody has ever done that to me before, Yeah I’ve been XYZ’s woman, or that guy’s girl but never been “My girlfriend”.
We went house hunting together, before that I’ve never even considered moving in with a guy, a guy has never asked me before and I’ve never even thought of it I love my own space.
You must be wondering where I’m going with all of this, I’m just trying to say don’t be afraid to get older, to get wiser, don’t be afraid to make change, don’t be afraid to loose something it might be in your best interest to loose it all sometimes.
Life is like having dinner, and God is your waiter, you start with the appetizer, then he clears the table completely and you think you’ve lost it all but he’s just getting ready to serve the main course.

………… Wait to exhale.

xoxoxo Lauren O Lauren, I’m sharing a song I’ve been listening to all weekend, love it.

A Lot of times things in my life seem to go up in the air and ever so often I find my lazy self at a cross roads and there’s some decision it seems I have to make. Last night I had the most peculiar dream, and I use the word peculiar because I like how it sounds and it happens to fit quite nicely where I used it.

In my dream there were three girls, myself, a girl who drove and another girl, but for some strange reason all three girls turned out to be me. It started out with us being at some place where we were terrified of some one and we were selling something, some sort of ornaments in a white box at $300 each (the number 3 is entered for the 1st time). Then myself and the girl that drives escapes and is driving up some hill but we find ourselves going around in circles instead, a big continuous circle, then suddenly I find myself as the girl that got left behind she had three boxes left that she was trying to sell, she/I was going around in circles, just walking around the front of this property that had us as prisoners, we sold one of the three boxes then I found myself in another scene.

This scene was just me I had received a purple purse and when I opened it there were three rings inside, one was plain silver, another had a very thin band with a purple gem and the third one which was the prettiest of them all had a lot of purple gems on it, big gems, but it didn’t fit my finger, it was too big. In the dream I was telling a friend how my boyfriend surprised me with three promise rings, but one was too big and I couldn’t understand why he would buy two that fit, and one that was obviously too big?

That was my dream last night, I know I have some very wise people reading my blogs so Im waiting on one of you to interpret this dream.

As for the rest of you ,Listen Go watch the Interview I did with Blu Grass in The Sky, it’s a very laid back interview that was apart of my test shoot.

It was a light fun interview that was totally unscripted and one of the few interviews of this kind I’ll be doing on my show, all the others will be pretty rowdy!!! hahahahaha

xoxoxoxo Lauren O Lauren, I’m on that search for inner peace and Financial Gain!!!!!

What do we know about men? we know that they were created first and just like 1st generation designs, have kinks and issues that the manufacturer could not have known about if he was not just making the object for the 1st time.

Somebody came to me with a problem this week, and I thought it was a good enough problem to make into some sort of advisory blog for my fellow sisters.

We’ve all been there we meet a guy we like and we think he likes us too, we’re convinced he likes us, he takes us out to dinner, or maybe he buys us a really nice gift, he talks to us for hours on the phone about nothing, he brings us cough syrup when we’re sick, really nice guy huh? So all that’s left is we give him some and then he proposes (INSERT LOUD NOISE HERE) Wrong!!!!!!! it means he has sex with us and then gets really busy after that, stops taking our calls and all it was, was a one night stand that he thought was worth the effort, what do you do now?

Not to worry as a certified life coach and a fucking genius I Lauren O Lauren will tell you what to do!!!!! (insert Trumpet sounds here, followed by a picture of me in a Super Woman outfit)
Men expect women to be clingy, expect us to beg and cry and all that bullshit, but the world is changing and so is our women and unfortunately so is our men but their change is a change we could do with out, people always say to me “Lauren you sound so bitter towards men, almost like you hate them” my respond to them is not that I sound like I hate men, I do hate men and I am bitter, I’m beyond fucking bitter, they disgust me but this blog isn’t about how much I hate them. This is about YOU!!!

When you have sex with a guy for the first time, refrain from calling them/pinging/texting/whatsapp-ing them the next day, leave the next step to them, leave everything up to them. This is no longer a chess game this has become “Monkey sees Monkey Do”, you will replicate his actions. If he calls answers, if he doesn’t ask you to see you don’t volunteer your presence you understand.

Here is another common scenario, lets say you go to a party and you see him, doesn’t matter if you just had sex with him this morning fact is he went out didn’t feel like inviting you or telling you. A lot of girls make the mistake of going over to say Hi!!!!! CUTE!!! BUT WRONG pretend as if he isn’t there because in theory he isn’t there, if you have to walk pass him to go to the bathroom and your eyes lock on him only say hi if he says HI!! otherwise when confronted later say you never saw him you were kind of drunk!! who the fuck does he think he is, David Beckham?
As much as you may be burning up inside and you think you’ve fallen in love with him and he’s the only man for you, get the fuck over it. This thing here is a war and we have to fight it, this is boys against girls, don’t fuck it up, he’s not the one trust me, you’re gonna thank me one day when you’ve met your prince charming and you’re gonna think back and be like, I must have been high!!!

xoxoxo Lauren O Lauren PS no girls room is complete with something Zebra Print in there, keep strong ladies the real MEN are coming!!!!!!!!

Had a little conversation last night which opens my eyes even wider to how much men upset my stomach, Now couple months ago I was in some sort of I dont wanna use the word relationship, but some sort of agreement with this guy who turned out to be a liar, a great pretender and some one with some serious personal issues stemming from his child hood.
Now I destroyed this dumb mother fucker on twitter because 1 he deserved it!!! I was talking to this other dude last night who heard about the whole thing, he was saying why did i put the guy out there like that, and that now men are afraid to approach me, and then he started telling me that he was a very private guy and he wouldn’t want his business out there like that. At no point did this guy ask me what the other guy had done to me that has caused me to act the way I did, but that’s Jamaican men for you there concern is never for women there concern is for themselves.

Here’s my take on it, Men feel like they can do whatever they want to women and not be called out on it? “When you did a do the things dem pussyole, you never know say, you wouldn’t wah you business put pan twitter, Drancro”!!!!!
Let me tell you this, To the man with good intentions, the world is a fair place” So if men are scared to approach me now because they feel like if they disrespect me i’m gonna scandal them, great!!! stay the fuck away from me, any man tell you they are a very private man is a man with more than skeletons in his closet, he intends to take you for a fool. If it means that there is a caution message going around Kingston that men should stay away from me GREAT, then maybe, just maybe, finally the real men will stand up, cause I’m a real fucking woman, and I was built for a real man, so all you toy solders take a step back.

No everybody wants to pin it on poor Lauren like I’m the unreasonable one you know how much bullshit I put up with from man? Cause I tell twitter say him is a “Dutty Smaddy a pose like him decent” some man get scared of me? Wait until you find out how many times he’s bought VAGINA in lucky 38, I know everybody thought he was an upstanding citizen, oh honey I could tell you stories about that Upstanding citizen, the only thing that stands up on that citizen lives in his pants, dat duty bwoy soon ketch AIDS!!!

So this is a message to all the men out there who would be thinking they can come into my life and use me like some sort of sex toy, or use me for links, or whatever kind of bad intention you may have listen to the rumors and make sure you listen good, because two things are sure in this world and that’s Death and MY WRATH!!!!!

xoxoxoxoxo Yours Truly Lauren O Lauren (Bitch)

The Genius behind everything "I"

My Uncle passes away three weeks ago and was buried a week ago, and it made me realize something, one of those things is that I loved him dearly and he was like a father to me but I hadn’t realized how awesome he was until he died, he was sick for a very long time and I was too busy being a fucking Diva and pining and plotting revenge on my ex boyfriend I simply forgot he was there and that he needed me, and that he was dying to go and see him, he asked for me every day and I never went because I was terrified of seeing him in that condition. I felt like I hadn’t turned out according to plan, I wanted to go see him when I had everything in order, I never got it together and he died and the last image he had of me, was me going off to college.

Steve Jobs died Tonight and that’s when I said to myself “Lauren you did the right thing”, the thing is we’re all going to die no matter who we are, no matter what we’ve created, no matter how fucking awesome we prove to be (PS awesome is my new favorite word) Steve Jobs was a legend and surely is responsible for the revolution in the way we communicate on some awesome level, but he died tonight.

I resigned from my job this evening after weeks of contemplating and rationalizing I finally decided to say farewell with the station a lot of people have come to know me as a part of, so that I can peruse my own dreams before I die and regret not branching out. The opportunity to grow wasn’t available to me there, would never become available to me and we both weren’t seeing eye to eye. I’d rather do this and fail miserably and know that I did give it a shot and I did try, some of the most revolutionary things in this world started off as bad ideas or ideas that people dubbed would never work, but some how most of them worked and have changed the face of this earth.

This October I am Launching The Lauren O Lauren show on Flow TV, and I can’t wait to share my views and personality with all Jamaica, I won’t neglect my loyal blog fans of course, it’ll be just like my blog only 3D, whats great about the platform for The Lauren O Lauren show is everyone gets a piece of the action, it’ll be OUR show and what you think matters more than anything, I want you guys to take part in the twitter questions and allow me to share your views with the world, the show airs online as well. If I didn’t make this break away I would just be wondering what if, and I dnt want to do that for the rest of my life.

I feel like for a very long time, I’ve just been trying to prove myself to all the wrong people and doing what everybody else wants and not myself. I’ve learnt that you can work for people your whole life, get to work half an hour early everyday for the rest of your life and you will just be an employee that they can replace tomorrow literally here today gone tomorrow. It’s important that you remember that you only have one life to live and you are at the liberty of time, when your time is up what would you have accomplished? Don’t waste it wondering, waste it doing.

Steve Jobs has died contributing two life times worth of revolutionary life changing creations, like many who have died before him and will die after him, may their souls find piece, even if they didn’t know piece while they were alive.

CLICK HERE TO LIKE THE LAUREN O LAUREN PAGE RIGHT NOW
xoxoxox Lauren O Lauren

I had this dream last night and usually after a couple of drinks my mind goes into over time and I think all kinds of things, and I started thinking about the fate of the Black Race and our women.

Now before you continue I need you to remember this is my personal thoughts, this is just what I believe ( and at the time I just had a couple of glasses of stuff).
I have always thought that black men don’t know how to treat a black woman, why? we just aren’t special enough for them, we’re too regular. Who wants regular when you can have a latte with whip cream and sprinkles? and I’m not throwing stones here because my whole house and everything in it is made up of glass and paper.
Most black men want that latte with the whip cream, if you know what I’m saying, a regular black girl won’t do beside him at a party or function, he wants a “browning” a mix breed something his friends can look on and whisper where did you find that, “The Unjamaican looking” is the order of the day. Not bashing any one for their preferences because what you like is just what you like.

But there’s a bigger problem here, this cycle of breaking down our black women has to stop. We are destroying and damaging the women who are single handily responsible for raising our black men, broken women create broken empty men. The faith of a whole generation sits in her hands. I’m sure not all black women are single mothers, and I’m not trying to victimize any one but listen to this.

If the home I grew up in is a Single Mother =======>>>>>>>> Our Neighbors to the right are Single Mothers
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=>>> The people who live in front of them are single mothers, both neighbors immediately beside her are single mothers and I could go on and on.
My point is there are too many black single mothers, raising a generation of men who are said to be the envy of the world: “BLACK MEN”
They have it all, Bigger Dicks, naturally physically bigger, stronger without the use of steroids every other woman wants to have sex with them, the original bad boys are Black Men if you don’t believe me check the prisons. Our black men were born to rule this world and if it were a couple of centuries ago they would be running shit, but the white man flipped the whole switch on them, they started working together, reading and exchanging knowledge and changed our world from trying to survive in the wild to the Corporate, profit, loss & Gain economy we now live in, and that’s all that matters, those three things. (But that’s a different blog for a different day, under a different topic)

My point is men please be nice to our women all of them, they are fragile monsters for a lack of a better term. If you break our women, then you break our men and then our whole world is broken.

xoxoxoxoxox Lauren O Lauren I added the link to one of my favorite songs ever made.

No matter what shit is happening, you need to make time to celebrate. That’s my new rule no matter whats happening put aside Celebration time, cause eventually we’re all gonna die so don’t worry too much. If you follow me on twitter you’ll notice I keep nothing inside, if I’m upset I put it all out there, I really don’t care what people think about me or my actions. I’m not saying you should adapt my actions either, you should definitely do you, whatever you are.

Nothing will ever be just that easy, you can’t live a drama free life no matter how calm you are, no matter how many friends you don’t have, how many times have you heard people say “Nothing has ever happened to me like this before”. We might feel like the universe is setting up against us, but it’s from my experience that after something really bad happens something awesome follows. This is a little hard to digest right now because I’m almost making no sense but gimme a little, like Vodka I’ll creep on ya.

Think about a situation that you were in, a good one and then for some reason you’re not in it anymore, at the time it seemed awful, but after you’ve had time to think about it, how many times do you find yourself saying “is that situation what I really wanted to get stuck in anyways”? no you didn’t you made a narrow escape.

I don’t blow up half as much as I should, somethings I hear things and I just wanna tweet the most horrible things but I think about it and I’m like this person isn’t even worth my time, there are other times when I have to blow up. Twitter is like my personal psychiatrist, it helps me release.

It’s like Jesus he had 12 disciples he knew exactly who was gonna betray him, he could have dealt with it then and there, but no he didn’t he kept that person around. I have people around me that I know I can’t trust for nothing, I have people around me that I know will and have sold me out but I’m trying to show them that with or without you and you’re bull shit this show is gonna go on.

So there’s always reason to celebrate! Celebrate your haters, celebrate the people who love you, celebrate the people you can’t trust, celebrate the people who betrayed you, the people who will betray you, the mother fuckers who will sell you out for nothing. Celebrate them niggas who don’t think you’re good enough, it’s a fucking celebration everyday and I’ll drink to that.

xoxoxoxo Happy Fake English Accent Day- Today is that Day when we don’t need a valid reason to celebrate.