www.LaurenoLauren.com

An idiot once said “it’s a mans world”, I beg to differ and I want to show you how. Women we sometimes allow men to take our perfect world and put up there smelly gym socks all over it.

I was watching Neyo the other day who is going to be a new father, pretty amazing huh, when the reporter said to him “When are you gonna get married” Neyo’s eyes opened wider than a dilated vagina, he responded by saying “slow down there, not so fast” not the exact same words but the same point. Here I was sitting in front of my room mates television considering mine is broken and I don’t really like TV. I was adjusting the rubber bands on my braces, and had shot myself in the face when one came loose.

How does a man get a woman pregnant but think its a rush to marry her? I’ll tell you why, because stupid women open there legs and are too happy to breed. Pregnancy, I cant stress how awful it is, your shoes don’t fit, you’re fat, and your body does things you cant control, why would you want that, so you can wear the coveted title of “Baby Mama”, he’ll visit you twice a month and send you money on Fridays, you stupid bitch.
Stop allowing these punk ass, half men to fat you up with a bag a kids, his body wont be affected and he can still drink vodka and redbull. Any man that gets me pregnant and tells me he cant marry me, is gonna hear “I fell down and I don’t think I’m pregnant anymore” which quite frankly, for a man to hear that is similar to me hearing spice girls when i was 9 years old, pure bliss.

Take charge of the world like Eve did when she gave Adam the apple, of Delilah when she had sex with Samson then cut his hair off while he slept, those women are women after my own heart.

I urge you keep your legs crossed and don’t get pregnant unless you’ve been with him for longer than 3 years and you can afford to take care of that baby yourself. Why settle for less, do you really wanna be that dudes baby mama??

xoxoxox Lauren o Lauren

Contrary to what the world my believe I’m not Anti-Men, but there are certain things that are just true.
I was catching up with my friend from prep school the other, we’ve known each other from before we were born. She had broken up with her boyfriend the other day for reasons I’ve heard from many girls our age, he’s boring he doesn’t like to go out, blah blah blah, then she had to end up getting back with him because there was nothing out there. Sometimes we women forget and think the grass is greener on the other side, or God forbid we think better is coming, I always say look around you before you think you can find better.

I know this about MEN;

(1) If he has two baby mothers he will have a 3rd and a 4th, and a 5th and a 6th. Dnt think you’re lucky to have him now, he’s a mover and a shaker not a house you can live in.

(2) He will never value you’re opinion over his friend’s, ever. Dnt put yourself in a situation or position where you’r competing for his attention. Always do you!

(3) Men always have time for SEX, don’t think he’s sitting there with a chastity belt and more work than the government after a hurricane.

(4) It’s hard for him to settle down if he isn’t coming from a home that doesn’t push, “one man, one woman and child” if he didn’t see his parents grow old together he may not know how to do it.

(5) When you ditch your friends for him, make sure you don’t need them when he’s gone. Men like to see when women get rid of their female friends, because it makes them feel powerful and less guilty when they do wrong or try to sleep with them.

Things I know about WOMEN;

(1) We really just want one man in our life.

(2) We’re jealous of ours friends relationship.

(3) we just want you to compliment us and tell us we’re pretty everyday, even when our new hair color looks awful.

(4) Women do cheat, but for entirely different reasons, it has nothing to do with the sex. When you start to ignore us and find faults with our bodies somebody else is telling us we look great.

(5) You have to be really good to know that your girl has cheated on you, we can be very, very good at hiding things.

Facts about Men & Women:

(1) If your boyfriend isn’t into partying and lots of friends around him, I suggest you thank God. He may be boring but at least he’s sure.

(2) When your girlfriend complains about the relationship getting boring and how young she is, she’s looking for a reason to cheat, or she has already cheated and is telling herself you’re the reason.

(3) Don’t you dare have unprotected sex with a girl who says we’d have cute kids together. She’s looking to tie you down.

(4) Any woman who says don’t get me a present, is asking for a present. this is so for all associated cases. Anything women say they don’t want, they want!!

(5) Any man who doesn’t feel bad about hitting on his friends girl should be a warning sign. Men are territorial if his friend thinks he can whisper sweet nothings to you, he’s actually telling you that you are not your boyfriends, straight up girlfriend, but girl on the side.

(6) when a guy says he doesn’t want the public to know, what he means is ” I don’t want my girlfriend to know”

xoxoxoxox lauren O Lauren

Now, my boyfriend is an angel sent to me from God himself, i love him more than myself, i love him so much I would give him my life and die.
He knows me like a book, i have never been with a man who observes my every move and can predict my very next move, he knows what i like and don’t like, he knows when to tell me to shut up, because any minute now I could say something very rude.

So last week I went on a date with one of my suitors. First things first, I am not sleeping around, like to date it makes me feel pretty, I’m guilty of wanting to be told I’m perfect all the time, although I love my Cookie he doesn’t really compliment me that much that’s his only fault. Every man knows the fastest way to my vagina is with compliments, lots and lots of compliments!!
So anyway though, im on this date yeah, laughing smiling eating my pasta and sipping my red wine, it was about 11pm kinda late, my cell phone rings and an unknown number comes up. I answer not thinking that it could be Cookie he never calls at this time. I hear an excited bubbly male voice on the other line that sounded just like Cookie; “hello babe, where are you” I felt the blood run out of my face, my eyes expanded and if i wasn’t already sitting I would have fallen, my date looks at me and he picks up that something is off, so i try to carry the conversation a bit.
“are you high” i asked him “what are you doing up”
Cookie who by now must know im up to something laughs and repeats the question, i try to change the subject by telling him about my day and a bunch of unnecessary shit. But by now my date raises his eyebrows fully aware that i must be talking to a boyfriend.
Then Cookie asks me again “where are you” I was so shocked that I couldn’t do anything but laugh, Cookie by now is shouting at the top of his voice saying next time i’m with a man and he calls i shouldn’t answer.

BUSTED!!!!!

Friends ask me what would Cookie do if he caught me with another man, he would be too happy to care, finally he would have a legit reason to get rid of me

xoxoxo Lauren O Lauren